Tomorrow . . . is the day.

I am really going back to Singapore. . . Dad's debt settled to a huge extent. Lucky that i prepared more. Huiwen cried inside the shop. I wanted too. It was rather ridiculous. Absolute stupidity for us to have the concern over this. "We dont need to settle..." That is what huiwen told me when she cried. And as a sister, you have to be firm and all. There are things need to be settled no matter how much you dont want to. When your sister cry, YOU cant. When she is scared, YOU must be STRONG.

I made the decision the instant i stepped inside the bus. It was obvious and yet blurry. I know what i want. Just that i'm not used to ask. I dont ask. In my entire life. Not even Myself. Not even my parents. I dont ask anything from them. And I dont know whether it is a good thing or not when i do it. I am not used to hurt others. If can, i would really swallow up everything. Rewind to a year back, where i got up in the middle of the night to find that i was still breathing. I should have end it again. Back then. To the selfish me. To have not include those who held me dear into the picture. Sorry. I am, really.

I am no machine. I will tired. I will sad. I will hurt. So much wished that i am now. So that i wont have the feeling of not wanting to wake up everyday to face all. ALL over again. Have you ever afraid of getting yourself sufficient rest? I am. Till now.

I am no despo. But i need rest. I WANT TO REST. Can i rest on you? Can i just stopped thinking about everything? Just you?

Grant me the strength, popo. I missed you, greatly.

I'm scared. Very.