Don't read. Please.


Am i given the privilege to say I'm tired?I'm in pain? Can i blame?

I'm . . just don't know anymore.
I know it's still far to go. Actually not that far. . It's just 60 days more. I'm just a coward. I'm not as strong as you. You didn't went around shouting for help. I did. Too much of a pain that can't be contained. Is that so? I'm just useless. Worthless.
Pain

Stress building up these few days. Things seems tougher than they always have been. My relatives are coming down this weekend. But why now? I miss you guys alot. But not now. I can't. Just spare me.

I don't know what happen to me today. And I know i'm spouting ruibbish here. So, please don't read on. I just want to empty out. If not, I won't be able to do my work later. Lacking of sleep makes one lose her composure. You can say that. That's also what i will think of myself today.

Just 12 more days to A level. And I definitely don't want to lose it. I can't. Please.

I don't know it bothers me so much. Stop appearing in my dreams. I wanted to stop asking you Why?' . . coz I don't know that myself.

I want to be stronger. More capable. There are things that i want to protect. Much more than my life. Although i may sound naive, and i might end up being protected, I want to protect you. And i end up hurting you.


take care

To :: you

Thanks for having my questions all answered.
Appearing in front of you now and jump to you the moment you open the door for me is something that seems will get me some rough scoldings from you , huh. . .

That is something i would want to do if that would make me slightly better after me hurting you so much. Sorry for not standing in your shoes. But you know , all this while, i always feel that way. You couldn't give me the assurance. I don't know why. But NOT NOW ANYMORE. I dont feel that way anymore after what you've been trying to tell me.Sorry for casting doubts upon you. I'm really sorry. I mean it. I really do. I have hurt you so much when i am trying so hard not to. That's why i thought i don't really deserve your love. And i thought if you were to say those heartbreaking words to me after these three months you requested, i should be gladly accept it. But you didn't. Instead, you made me feel better.
This distance is playing tricks on me. I'm sure of it. Just how much i wanted to rush to you and crush you in my arm . Thanks for loving me.

Wait for me kay. I will be by your side soon.Just don't push me away or say something like troubling me anymore. Let's both be selfish kay for i also scared that i will give you trouble when i go find you. But that can't be helped right?

See you soon kay. And do find me if you want to order. I won't be free soon.

............................................................................

Ah. . . . weather's nice. .33 more days to go . . let's Bring it up. Get it down . And shut it up ^^
Stupid A levels. . . . I received a big hug from my friends today . Don't know whether you guys reliase it, i don't like to be hugged by just anyone even my parents. An exception for you ^^ Not you guys' fault but my family upbringing makes me feel this way. Weird. LOL. But this isn't the same though. We won't be seeing each other till A levels. Thanks guys for being there for me . I will not forget you.I promise ^^ Friends forever ~

that's all, i guess. .. if there is anything interesting for me to share, or else i guess the next blog entry will be the day before my A level or after =D

Take care everyone. All the best. Gambatte ne !!! All the way to go, Sw ~


Thanks for not making me feel that way anymore. I have always hate myself feeling so.

I'm back

Hmm. . just felt like posting up the song's lyrics in the previous post ^^ the song's nice ^^

I let dark side out and force it back in just yeasterday XD No it's just that it's been some time before i felt that way. And i called it " the dark side" of me coz it is not positive at all. LOL Somehow different. I don't know how to explain. It can't be explain with words ^^

I didn't go to school today ^^ My sister went without me. She's going to some of her malay friend's house for "makan". Hope she enjoys it. A levels is getting nearer. Days just pass too fast. Tomorrow is just another day nearer to A levels. Just one more week of school and i've stopped all my tuitions just yesterday to have more time to prepare myself. I hope it's enough ^^ All the way to go, Sw ! LOL Same for everyone ^^ Days pass fast and another year will be gone. Let's appreciate and make the best memories out of these remaining days ^^ I don't know what will happen to me next year. However, i do hope for the better or much less of it. Not much worse please.

I'm not sure whether I'm stressed or what. But i started to have gastric pains recently. But i ate =.= Not very serious but to endure the pain from morning till evening kinda make me suffer abit. It delays my work. ^^ Be good to me, tummy. No more pain ok ^^

Sorry, Ann yen. I wished her happy birthday one month earlier =.=" I thought it's alredy 30th October. I only realised it when she : " shanwen, are you dreaming? It's next month. " Haha. . I'm the earliest this year to wish her though . LOL

Just happy that I'm back.Gotta start back work ^^ take care everyone . Eat well. Sleep well.Look forward ^^


I'm scared