If i embrace you too hard..

i'm afraid that you would break.

If i hold you too loose..

i'm afraid that you would go away from me.

Could you hold me close and never let me go?

tadaima ~

Ah. . . reached singapore finally ^^ Reached at 7 plus =.=
The bus broke down and i woke up to find myself in the middle of the road. It took nealy 2 hours to move again. Haha

First Stop

Reached Sunway on the 11th Dec and stayed for two weeks at dear's place. Too long didn't see her, i shall say. When i first saw her, i was filled with an unexplainable blissful feeling that she is in my life. I learnt about alot of stuff throughout my stay there. Somehow, knowing things just make my feeling grows. That's all i can say. I really enjoyed myself this time. I mean it whole- heartedly ^^ I had a really good rest after my A levels. That is what i call a REAL holiday. LOL
No lecture notes. No tutorials. I can just lay flat inside the room, reading my book for the whole day. Not bored at all. I came across alot of her friends this time. It's very different from my friends here. They are more playful and open? I can learn alot from their world which is kind of totally different from mine. I'm not saying my life superior than them or what. But i can see things from their vision of life. Different. It's somehow make me more certain of my choices that i can take after getting my results.

Thanks guys for your warm hospitality and concern ^^

I managed to spend some time with my dear. That's what matters most to me. Managed to know her a bit more. Managed to move slightly further into her world. Managed to do what i set out to do there. Thankful. Satisfied.

I sensed it all. I know even before i read your blog. ^^ Sorry for not realising it earlier. I know i come for too long and imposed some disturbance in your life. But that is what i intended. So, you don't have to apologize and take up all the blame. I intend to get hurt and learn how real things go with you since I really reaching all out to you ^^ I'm the one who should say sorry for making you feel this way. I don't know. I'm still not used to expressing all out to you and I'm feeling guilty of saying too much or complaining too much to you. You can feel right? I really wanted you to know how i feel. I'm going to be selfish. So, don't apologize. You can do things the way you want them. But don't push me away. Don't stop me from staying by your side. Don't stop me from caring and worrying for you. I am a bother, I know. But that is how i wanted to love you. LOL

Please understand ^^ Sorry, too. I don't like saying all these things to you. It's going to make you and me think. Thanks for saying all out in your blog. But like what you said, hope things better ^^


Second stop

Reached Ipoh around 4 plus. . Curi curi went and met up with shuyun and yook woon before informing dad to fetch me up. That was Shuyun's idea =.= But i really grateful that i have take this opportunity to meet up with them though it's kinda risky. LOL
I found my old self by being with them. Haha. . laughing and smiling so truely ^^ You would surely be suprised seeing me there. Adding cantonese vulgarities in almost every sentences. Those words just came out from my mouth and even i don't realize myself saying them. My old self. LOL. . . funny. . Thanks guys ^^ Let's meet the same way everytime i come back ! I'll post up some pic that we took soon . . .

Dad was fine. In fact, everyone seems fine afer my grandmother passed away. This is my first time going back to my popo's house without having her there physically. I missed her so much so much. . I sensed her inside. I still dont like the feeling of offering her joss sticks. Haiz. . . .
My mum has gone to taiwan to visit my new-born nephew. It'll be my turn soon. Let's see how things go then. ^^

As usual, i did all the cleanings before i come back here. The floor was ridiculously dusty and the toilets are unexpectedly. . . . . . I don't want to make you feel like i'm living in a ghost house. So, yeah. . . My dad is demanding as always. . .Anyway, parents just don't practise what they have taught us when we are young. LOL

Anyway, let's see how my life goes after this. Take care and all the best to everyone ^^
Merry Christmas and happy 2010 ^^

i'm scared

So what if I am an IDIOT?

Just what right do you have to have hurt me so much ? Who are you to judge her when I don't even dare to?!
We have barely met for two times, and you claimed that you understand the situation very well.
Don't you think it's a bit funny?
Don't try to change my way of thinking anymore.
I believe in her and myself. I don't choose to let go JUST BECAUSE she has changed.
Although it's not into what I wanted, I won't give up on her.
I believe she has her own reasons for not opening up to you guys and me.
She will tell you when she feel likes sharing.
What's your problem?
How true a friend you are? True friends will be satisfied even though just staying by her side. You don't have to do anything. Don't have to say things about her like that. She had sacrifised so much for you guys, without demanding anything back ! I can see it!

Do you realize how pain she was when she admitted that she is a weak person ? My heart almost split everytime i read her blog.
Can't you feel her pain? She can't even sleep at night ! And can't you see how tired she was?! My heart really ache for her.
And yet, you guys suppose to be her close friends, say something like that about her! It was just my courtesy to listen to all your BULLSHIT silently, faking my smiles. And you DARE to ask me to leave her!
I don't leave someone just because they didn't change into what you want them to be. I love her the way she is and I'm thankful that she is in my life.
Thanks for your concern for me. BUT it's not appreciated. So yeah. . . Don't think that you really understand. And if you happen to mention this again, I don't know what i'll do.


Your facade is filled with loopholes. Do you know that? Painful to see you like this. I TRUST you. I BELIEVE you. So, don't fail me. PLEASE. Don't prove me wrong.


i'll be right here

A next turning

Just came back from a morning jog ^^ decided to burn off some fat after last night fulfilling steamboat buffet. LOL My brother decided to celebrate a little. YEAH. My sister finally had her last paper yesterday while i had mine's ended on Monday. It feels lighter. My whole body. Everything. I can sleep like more than 5 hours now. I can just lay on my bed or just stay in the living room, watching television or play with my nephew without the slighest feel of guilt. A real good rest. This concludes my college life IF i don't have to repeat it again next day. *pray hard

I had a small outing with my friends here before i went back to malaysia for my popo's funeral. It would be selfsih of me if i didn't go out with them for the last day when all of them were very concern about my conditon after i told them about my popo. Since we didn't had an opportunity to sit down and have a nice chat, I decided to go out. One of them will be going back to Kuching soon. She's going to be engaged next June. CONGRATS, Jasmine ^^ She is the one who always share her lunch with me. And I am always the Paiseh one who always fear to reject her kindness. LOL

Although they are all from different countries, we had no communication problems. they all had helped me thru my worst period. Thank you so much. I think the day we all will meet again will be the day we take our results together. Yea. . D-day ( DOOMS DAY ) T_T

I will miss you guys ^^ Let's take a step forward together.

I don't know if it's okay to smile or laugh now. I miss my mum. I miss my popo. I miss you very much. I know I can. I must. So that I'm able to stand tall in front of my father. So that no one will get hurt again :)

Jasmine and me ^^

me and Anh

And everyone of us . . .

Weather's nice. Cooling. . Life's busy. I understand that. But remember to stop for a minute and look up into the sky. You'll never realise that the sky can be this blue or the night can be occupied by millions of stars . . .





i'll be there