I want to live as a butterfly...

I didnt know the day would come again. Whereby i would need to come here anymore. I don't like to blog. But i do love to keep memories. Bad or good ones. These are what built me. But thanks, God. I didnt need it for the past few months :)



Things were so complicated and confusing for me for the past two weeks. And i am really glad that i made a run-away back to Ipoh. I had my "time" to listen. To feel. Separated from both of them that i hold dear. That i would want to make life less painful for them because of me.
Mum had been really understanding. She must be shocked enough after getting to know all these. Sorry mum. I am not strong. I cant smile always for you. I love you, mum :)


I dont like to be seen through. Too insecure. But yet . . . why you . . .? I dont understand. My damn heart yearns for all these understanding and strength I need in life. I'm so darn tired. You have violated my territory and i am losing here. My defense. I dont really know you. And you dont know me, too. But why . . I dont understand. I dont want to understand anymore.


As for you,you dont give me the "feel" or that you choose not to let me to? I need them, boy. I feel comfortable with you and i really cared. I am sorry. I liked you. But you dont seem to understand. You dont know what you want. Learn well, boy. Learn from this. I am going to teach you. It hurts so much. Damn it. I pray hard that you will feel as little pain as you may, i will endure all. My sins. I am not as good as you might think afterall. I am a sinner, what's more there is to say? Hate me. Pray hard that i could bring myself to hurt my dear you.

A butterfly's life that looks so fragile to me. Easily crushed, that's how i like it. Yet so elegantly beautiful and charming. I want it too.

I dont deserve life afterall.

Cos i dont know how ....

Anymore