My return to hometown

Hmm this trip home didn't meant much for me.. The birthday celebration was a disaster. I not used to be a mc or entertainer in front of so many ppl. Sucky I think. Total of almost 200 ppl. But dead tired. My house was filled with ppl and I had to walk alot, carrying stuff and have to walk from my hse to my grandma's hse. But I did have a lot of good food! ;D

Hmmm I did think about my grandma and my dad too. Where they used to be able to participate in these events too.  I Did helped mum massage her leg. Omg. Swollen shit. Both legs.She never massage ever since she fell that day at my sg house :(( haiz

But then. These times are good times for me to think and figure out. What do I want? Where do I want to be? Where do I want to go? What will happen after my graduation? No one knows.

Or mayb I am just getting lazy. Or too afraid to get out of my comfort zone.

Damn boring at home. Somehow. I wanna go swim. I wanna go watch movie too. Holidays ending. School starting soon :(

Why

50 things about me ! :)

1. I like my name alot. ( It reminds me of my parents when they name me :)  )

2. I drink at least 2L of water per day. I can survive without food but not water.

3. I love nightwalks. Although i am afraid of the dark.

4. I dont really like make ups.

5. I like to jog and swim. ( But i like the waters more. Till i found my enjoyment back  :) )

6. I seldom sleep alone. Almost never. Only once.

7. I have no favourite color.

8. I am a very easy going ppl.

9. I seldom say No.

10. I do not have a good childhood.

11. I love to smile and laugh so as to make someone's day..

12. I can be a very emo person. ( and I hate that to the max!!! )

13. I am easily touched. But i touched other ppl's heart more.

14. I like to talk and make ppl talk too.

15. I like to look up alot. Be it the clouds, winds, greens. stars and moon. I love them all :)

16. I dont really like seafoods. No prawns.

17. I love to eat jap foods! :D

18. I love ferrero rochers. They have special meanings to me.

19. I love grass jelly too. I wont sick of it even if i eat them everyday.

20. I dont like judging or commenting on someone. They are who they are.

21. 21 is my changing year. Of my life.

22. I still do not know what i want in my life.

23. I like the smell of the coffee or baking in the morning.

24. I like to teach. That's probably what i wanna do in future :)

25. I have worked as a waitress at Regent Hotel.

26. I know how to operate a dialysis machine.

27. I am a class monitor for three years since Sec 3.

28. I love my sec sch Maths teacher. She inspired me to be one :)

29. I have few friends that really know me.

30. My first job is an IT job in sch. I have meet alot of great ppls :)

31. I do not like to waste time. Or do nothing most of my day.

32. I do not like to zzz till too late.

33. I was always locked up (Is this a proper word?) at home till I am out in Sg.

34. I have been wearing spectacles since i am like 6 years old.

35. I have never been to any kindergarten.

36. I have alot of mothers . My real one. And all my aunties. I owe my life to them :)

37. I do not really wear a skirt till i am 20 ( besides my sch uniform ).

38. My best achievement in life, is that i went through A levels.

39. I do not like to be informed later.

40. I do not like half-ended conversation. Not without proper goodbyes or good nights ( I will worry somehow)

41. I like to help people massage :)

42. I dont believe in best friends in the opposite genders.

43. I like to eat watermelons and honeydews :D

44. I love my siblings and MY MUM!! :)

45. I am waiting for someone :)

46. I have only used black pens since sec sch.

47. I love to read books.

48. I love musics but not too Rock ><

49. I like to snap my fingers when i open a door except for those push or pull ones. A little habit of mine. LOL.. Since small, i practice open sesame*

50. I drink water the first thing when i felt angry. If you guys did realize.

Year 2013 ... :/

Hmmm... Time flies. Seriously too fast. I felt as if a hell lot happened this year. Itp. My first exposure to what i would really be doing in future in the industry. And i dont like it :(

I still do not know what i really want to do. And i have not much time to think !! I am graduating soon and my student pass gonna expire !! God!! Why am i always so directionless?? In life and in my real life too !! :(

Although there're alot of badness in the year 2012, there's alot of goodness in it too. I met with alot of people and alot of wonderful memories have been made. Alot of interesting movie screenings for the day i die :) Nothing's perfect. I accepted that fact long ago. I do hope the year 2013 will b a good one for me, my family and friends as well ! For the year 2013, I hope i will know the ending from the path that might led me to :) I hope i would be either studying or working happily. I hope i will find a start off point in my life. To success. Or to enrich my life more. I hope i can save alot more $$$!! My account has not been increasing up lately T.T Had been pampering myself too much !! Plus it's a December month!! Means "presents" month!! D:

Anyway, I did enjoyed it very much. This holiday. Felt the best for me :) I worked much lesser. I spent alot of time with friends. Compared to money, I find time more valuable. Cos with time, memories can be made. To me, memories and moments are the most valuable thing. So i rather sacrifice money in exchange for all of that :)   

May 2013 be a GOOD year for me and for all the people that i held dear !! Let's have a good kick start!!! So that, may it start and ends well !! :) 

Goodbye 2012 and hello 2013 in 6 days !! 

I am really very tired....

My stiff neck.. and my shoulders all pulling me down. My tired eyes and seaweed body.. I guess I overdid it lately... So many things in hand. So many things in mind. So fucked up...

Times flies. Too fast. My last MST. My FYP. And work. Then health comes in. How come I need to go see so many doctors? So many parts of my body???!
Especially when things didn't go much the way you wanted them to be. When u received too much negative answers.  Mensus is it u?? D:

Mum's coming... I really need it just so much. I crave for mama's love. Later I cry in front of her again >.< it is just that u feel sad when she comes and she just had to leave. Sometimes u ask, can u freeze the moment? Yes. At times I even held my breath. To imitate frozen best moments in my life :)

Should I go near my bed? I am very tired. I hate to say it. But yes. I think I am.. but I have a lot to study and understand. Need to do more before mum comes :(

Thoughts

There is no point thinking about it when you hadnt really got to confirm it. 

But somehow, when u asked yourself if you are ready. I asked myself this morning. 

I finally understand the fear. Hmmmm... When can i really have alot of ice creams? :(

Keep trying !!!

Keep trying !!!!! 

Don't give in !! Don't give up!!!

I am who i am.. lol ~

Since young, my mum doesnt need to worry much about her children. Each of us knew the importance of study. And the only thing she would worry about is us working too hard. Burning too much midnight oil. Sleeping too late at night. She doesnt ever need to come in and tell us : Please go study... LOL

I dont think i have ever heard her telling me this in my life. I missed my mum and dad so much. Missed the days where i need to wake up at 5 plus in the morning daily to make her breakfast and do all the chores that she has passed on to us while we were only ten. After my sister and I finished all the chores and making breakfast, we would take turns to go and wake her up. 

It was always hard for me to wake up someone who is sleeping so soundly. If can, i would want them to sleep much longer. Deep inside, i would always be sorry to wake someone up from their sleep :) 

Then, she would be out from her bed, and went for her bath. My sister and I would rest on the kitchen table. Sometimes, we would even fall asleep at the staircase due to the tiredness. After breakfast, we set off to sch and reached ard 7.15am.

At times, when my father forgot to wake up to do his dialysis in the middle of the night, I will either study till late at night to wait the timing for his next dialysis treatment (usually ard 2am or 3am) or sleep with my specs so that i dont deep sleep .  

If can, i dont mind exchanging some good nights of sleeps for him. I don't mind spending my life taking care of someone dear to me. To me, it is a blessing. I dont see it as a suffering :)

That's why i say. I was much much stronger in the past. Not as physically strong lol.. I was really much fitter in the past. Haha That's why i dont like to complain. Not being weak or so. But how can u complain so easily when you have someone bearing much more pain and discomfort than you? 

These are some fragments of my life. Which made me who am i today!! I am just Shanwen :) Do not compare me with others cos there is only one ME. I dislike it. Be it stress level. Be it anything at all. That is why i seldom talk bad about ppl too. Cos they are also who they are. Good or bad. This is how they bring themselves. But, one thing sure is always do good to ppl ! :)  

After the day that i broke down, i realized i  really do need to learn how to prioritize. You did make me think. Thank you for that day really :) I am really glad that you came back so many times. I was relieved when i see you came back with tissue paper after what i have said that made you went away. Hmmm thank u :) 

I used to see my studies, my work, my own life and health , friends and r/s as equally important. I dont like  to let any one of them down. At times, i think when all these comes at me, it choke me up instead. And it appears to be true. I was choked upon myself. I broke myself down each time :(

So, the same very question : What is it that you really want? What you really want isnt so hard to fight for :)

As for now. I will go for my studies as my top priority. Next would be my health and work. Then family, friends and r/s  :) 

Slowly learn. Make effort and enjoy the short life we have now. Treasuring and cling to every minutes and seconds. To be with the people you hold dear. Creating moments and memories with them. Giving and receiving good feelings from them. Be truthful to yourself and others. Take breaks and always remember to look around the beautiful things around you. It is very easy de!! Just look up always :) 

Time to continue my report T.T      

Simple one spot standing...

I cant stand stable. Is like normal to me already. I nearly fell to the hot melt earlier. So lucky that I didn't hurt others cos of this too.. Haiz.. Good that I didnt blackout nowadays..

I wanna go swim.. and eat sushi!!! :D

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A little while more!!!

Eyes so pain till I had problems opening them up. Should b swollen.. Haiz. I miss you, dad. I miss mum too. I felt so empty and terrible for the past two days ever since mum left. And I was all alone inside my room. Emotions and deep feelings filled me in. I wasnt strong enough to block or divert them this time.

It is when u can see if you've had any true friends beside u at all. Unfortunately, I think I have none at this point of time. That is why I always let my friends know. I will b there if u need me. U always have me. No matter what happens, remember I am here. I hugged my friends tight, cos I know sometimes I couldn't really b there for them always. And I am sorry for it. Sorry that i couldnt be there for the times that you needed me. And I couldnt be there for you anymore.

Sometimes I just hope someone could just hug me tight and tell me that Everything is going be alright. Just alittle while more. So hang on. How much i wanted to just hug someone tight and just cry!! :(

I managed to fall aslept at 8 plus.. oh gosh.. eyes so pain..sorethroat too..My lips always so pain when i am heaty.. So red and it feels like bleeding. I shud go back to sleep again...I cannot fall sick!!! Napha is just this friday!! D;

My tired soul

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Can i have a bowl of noodle with my father? :(

I will be away

Goodbye

Goodbye.

I am letting go. I wont think about it anymore. And i hope you would do the same to. You brought along my feelings with you this time. And i know i will miss you. Very much  :)

Thank you for everything. All the while :) 

Sorry 

sinner-in-the-end

The taste of my own actions. All the hurt and disappointment in myself. All hit me hard. And It is really time for me to grow up. I hope things will be alright again. For people that I have hurt.
I learnt from it. And I guessed there is a lot more of things I have to learn.

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12 hours ago ~

1550 - Nap !
1608 - Woke up with sharp headache and went straight to vomit!
1630 - Dizzy like shit and pushed myself to take MRT instead of cab home 
1645 - Rushed to toilet and vomited again
1715 - Fever! Body ache so much that i cannot get out from bed to get medi
1805 - Pushed myself out from bed to eat Panadol!
1910 - Woke up from nap. Back pain! Missed my dad!! Can someone come inside my room? :(
1915 - Anything happen to him? I felt so bad. So bad that i always said goodbye to him when he was experiencing all these. I really didnt know ..Sorry :( 
2000 - Felt better and took some rice!
1055 - Sleep !
0400 - Super uncomfy and cold. Dragged myself to toilet and lie back on bed
0430 - Cannot take it and went to measure. 39.9 degree! Oh God ! Took medi and lie back on bed
0515 - Pushed myself up to switch off the lights!
0900 - Woke up sweating ! Huiwen called.
0930 - Huiwen reached home. Bro passed us medi
1030 - Took care of sis!
1115 - Sleep !
1508 - Woke up and cooked noodle for sis and myself. 
1530 - Huiwen sleeping.

I am going back to sleep too. Hmmm.. All that i didnt know in the past, i only get to know them in the past few days. 

:( 

It has been a year ~

One year ago :(
I wished i could have hugged you longer before i left.

My aunt was admitted to hospital today. Cos of mis-diagnosed of hypertension medicine. Her blood pressure plunges down all of sudden!! Sighs.. I fucking hate these kind of Malaysian doctors..
                                                   .........................................................

I dont know about my FYP. I have two supervisors. Both send me down different sets of instructions. One asked me to do this. The other asked me to do that. One of them, Mr Ho, is the one who will be giving me the  final fyp grade in the end. The other is my company supervisor, Patrick. I respect both alot cos they both helped me alot. But today when i went down to the company, when Patrick asked me how the fyp was doing, I dont even know how to answer him.. Because i am not doing the thing he intended us to do. Our objectives of the fyp almost changed completely. I was supposed to create a more biodegradable product for the company.
And to do certain corrosion testings to validate and enhancing the product.

But according to Mr Ho, i cannot do the biodegradability test at all !!! He told me is not feasible. Dont tell me this, man... Go and tell Patrick !!! And Really man.... Stupid graph !!! How the hell i obtain accurate readings from there?? When i can manipulate them myself !! =____=''
Stupid testings methods.. Patrick suggested other method and Mr Ho didnt approved it.

I just dont know how to face both sometimes. Being the leader seems not that easy sometimes. I dunno already la !!! :(

It doesnt look good when you talk bad behind ppl's back. Many ppl fail to see. If they could just stand abit further away from the situation or record back what the bad things they say about their colleagues. Will they be able to see how badly or ugly they look when they do? I dont know.. I dont like to even comment on ppl.   I dont like to hear too. Hear no evil !! I am just a part timer.. can earn money can liao :)

I missed you, daddy :(

Drunk or half mad....

I guessed I have just tried hard enough...
I must b drunk or half mad to say all these now

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Torturous day ~

Liking someone so much that i lose myself in the process... Losing myself almost completely... And from these period i learnt and i slowly regained myself back.. Thank you alot alot  :)

And i come to a debate today that if we get into a relationship without much understanding and getting to know about each other more. Will it be a good one? Likewise i am saying if i really allow shiming to get into my heart. He asked me to try with him. He is someone that able to make me happy so much at times.. And yet at certain  point of time , i asked... you fall for me when you dont know me well. You dont know me. And i know time is the essence to see if things going to make it between us. I asked for a month before answering to people that yes I am attached.

On the contrary, if we know each other too well and come to an understanding and to a point where we are much too comfortable with each other. It wont lead to a relationship where we could discover each other more. The spices were gone and sparks were gone before we even start a relationship. Will such relationship works? We felt weird being together because there is actually nothing much more to feel weird being with each other. We know each other too much. That is why we felt weird. What is different us as a couple and as friends? As in the things we do. I dont know how to answer my friend..And yes... That is why i dont believe close friends between different genders. Not if you dont have the slightest feelings for each other.

With all such thoughts flooding my head, it was a torturous day for me. I want to lost myself in a movie. Very much.  These are the times, when you can see if someone really can be there for you. But i seldom ask. When i ask, means i really need your time. Like today..At some point of time, i guessed i asked too much.. And i felt if your feelings were to come back, you have to double your effort to make me want something as bad again.

Because wanting something, causes me so much hurt in the process.. because of little rejections that i received from you. That you dont realized, make me so much tired to ask anymore. When something nice given to me, it makes me wonder if those were dreams and i would automatically reject them before accepting them. That is why i need alot of confirmations and i asked alot of times.. For you, it seems like a bad habit of mine. But you see, i have received much hurt to receive kindness from people.

I am so fucked up

Sorry

To: you

Sorry to do this again when you are not feeling well. I am really sorry. Sorry.

But i know that you know how to take care of yourself :)

Words cant seem to express much feelings. But yea..Your actions and feelings affect me too much. I don't like it. I wasnt always me in front of you and others. And I shouldn't feel this way as a friend. That's why i said xin ku. . My heart is filled up and so heavy. .

Plus, i dun like to be a burden when you're finding gf. It affects me too. So yea..

Take care always. After this, maybe just remember me as cd :)

I will be just fine this time. No worries.

Trust me.

Goodbye,

cd always :)

Peaceful day on my own :)

It has been long ever since i felt so peaceful today... Early in the morning tried hard to wake up. Promise myself to settle my stuff early to go home rest. Was not really feeling well. But not as the bad flus i've ever had. So still okay. My voice still there.. But tired and heavy body...

Hmmm...After eating breakfast, i go to sch to do my fyp after stopping by at t21 to take a look at the fishes and talk with Mr Yeo.. Pity him to stay whole day alone there. Talk-sky (liao-tian).. LOL !! I'm glad... :) The fishes inside the black tank are healthy.. I fed them and they ate :) I cleared the fish from the green tank :(

I did my fyp peacefully inside the lab.. Sweating like mad along my way to my lab from t21. Then air con so cold inside the lab. I cannot off it cos there're machines running inside the lab. So i quickly finish then rush home. I had lunch at fc5 and finally satisfied my craving for KFC. I always wanted to try their Meltz. Haha !! It was nice !! Small portion though D:

ON my way back, i topped off my fulfillment with traditional ice cream cone !! :D

Lucky it didnt affect my sick condition as much as i imagined ><

Watched some movie and took a 2 hours nap !! Shiok !! :)

Didnt do much today. Should have started my mum's bday card. 220 cards in total... Can die already T.T

I am pointless of what i shud do. I don't know if i can bear any of the sequences resulted from either of the decisions that i am going to make. I stood at the one spot and thought hard that day. And i still cannot come out of it. In the end, i emptied out my feelings instead :( And my heart just torn itself up. Tears flow. I can never say much about it anymore.

Sleeping alone tonite !! Cough cough* D;

Good night !

take care, bro !

Hmmm....i know i shouldnt be saying all these...

But the pictures you posted at fb.. duplicate my sorry for my brother for not being able to help him.

Were you there when he cried? For a guy to cry that bad.. alone in overseas.

You are enjoying life while my brother told me he has not stepped into any shopping complexes for 2 months.. Sighs :(

Please. Bless my bro at Taiwan.. Grant him happiness and health and good sleeps :)

I am so happy to receive your call that day !!! thanks for calling on my bday, bee ko !! I spent my last few minutes hearing ur voice !! The best moment of my bday !! :D

My actual gifts :)

I think i almost cried every year on my bday.. LOL.. can't be helped.. I am someone who sucks at hiding my emotions. Especially when i am with someone i am comfy with... And i were almost beaten by dad everyday. So, my birthdays wasnt good ones till i came to Sg :)

But I appreciate all the "gifts" in my life :)

Real Gifts are those which cannot be seen or measured. It was their heart-ful thought and the precious moments and times spent together with them. My gifts in life. Family and friends. Beautiful moments. Good feelings. Light-hearted and awesome sceneries. The comfortable blowing wind and short walks. Comforting hugs. Chimes or soothing sounds。Inside the clear and blue water. A strong refreshing MINT* bath !!! LOL :)

I like all these good feelings alot. Alot. Those were my simple happiness :)

I love my family :)

Super strong chocolate cake !! %^$@!! but Nice T.T

Grass-jelly KOI !!! :D

I didnt know i love green tea so much till i tried this. Thanks for the intro. I had awesome results and making tea experiences from here too!! Teadot rocks my life !! :D

Sometimes...we lost track of time due to the busy pace of life. Some troubles that clouds your heart. Some happening and questions that we keep on ponder for answers for a long long time... Just remember to look up !! The sad time is just for a short time !! Have to keep reminding yourself that and don't spoil someone's day !! I just want peoples around me to be happy :)

Did someone tell you that lotus was once my fav plant when i was small? :)

I met with much more people in my poly life... And i learnt the most in my poly life as compared to my A lvl's and sec schools. No one ever knew. My life turning point starts during my first year of poly. The turning point where i found myself :)

I first started to work and earned my first pay :) I earned for my own studies and that makes my results much more matters to myself. Haha !!

This girl is much more mature than me when i was at her age :)

Awesome ppl that i have met !! :)

HAha !!

They taught and help me alot at work !! I enjoyed my time with them very much !! :)

Mos burger !! Bday Dream come true !! :D

Yogurts!! :D

I am always so happy that my bday month is on the Lantern and

Mooncake Festival month XD

Geradine who always help me alot in my studies and FYP. Plus working together at Subway :)

My awesome poly classmates !! :)

My A level besties !! Didnt know them for long but bonds shared deep ! :) Princess !! I love you !! Thank u for being for there for me always, the both of you!! :)

I have known them half of my life !! :)

I always hate it when i used to take care of them. But when you reached home, greeted by them. Your tiredness all gone !! They're cute max :)

My beloved mum and sisters !! :)

ah plant :)

These are my actual gifts. Not materialised but in different forms of fond memories and moments shared :)

~ 我只是善文 :)

Bday gifts :)

Will look kinda sexy without the shorts !! LOL !! ><

Tq ~ :)

Thanks for all the kind thoughts !! and i love it very much !! :)

Gerad & Xinlin.. both you of make my poly life !! :D

World best sis-in-law and brother!! :D

Bday slice cake from Sinnee :D

Super touched even though it's just a cloth !!! A super special one ! :)

A standing rice scoop by Dexin !! I will use it for my future house okay!! :D

Tear stains

My NOtes have my tear stains on it. LOL

If i have the ability to comfort myself always, just as i comfort others.

" I am so sorry to make you tear so much, heart. " :(

LET'S DO THIS ONE MORE TIME AND EXCEL !!! :)

Ouch..my back....it's really not the time to pain !!! So Uncomfy these days...

I shouldn't complain so much about it... :(

morning prayers ~

Hmmm I did go and pray this morning. More of praying, I find myself talking to guanyin. I first time asking for a fu as well... Sighs... I don't know. Did feel lighter after the pray though :) 

I did went back to the place where I felt dad after my exams that day. I wonder if he will come and visit. Hmmm I miss my dad very much :(

Sighs.... I feel like going for movie !!!!
D;

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seaweeeed

God damn heart !!! Why are you beating so fast!! Super tired and seaweed.... D;

wtf

Not that i didnt make effort to explain and to talk things out with you!! Why you always want to make it into an argument!!! Seriously.... Alot of times already.. How many times more can i avoid ? How many times more you want to avoid the problem and keep ur fucking mouth shut when i talk with you? Fuck it!!

Each time you broke my heart. Those were just simple stuff. I dont want us to be like this. Why are so different now? I find myself unable to talk with you anymore :(

Just seriously....I fucking hate it!!! I didnt do anything wrong. I should be able to enjoy inside my own room and it ended up so much pressure to bear !!!

I just dont know anymore. I should go study.

Do not venture back your old path

Hmmmm....I shouldn't not read a person too much !! Darn !!

I dont want to get to know you more. LOL

I should not get this affected.

Yea i will not want to know you more. I must be crazy =_=

let's manga and finish off some assignments today !! :D

August will be a good month!!

Things that i want to do in my birthday month. Let's treat myself better :)

- Buy shoe ( Shoe abit spoil liao ! )

- Buy hair clip. ( All break liao ! )

- Get a bag :)

- Drink KOI

- Eat MOS burger / Texas Chicken !

- Watch at the full moon for long long

- Watch a movie at least!!

-Buy a box of rochers !

- Go for a walk at Merinchi / climb mountain !

- Catch up with princess!!

-Sleep more !

-Excel in my exams !!!

-Swim more!

-Eat loads of sushi !!! :D

- Go for run !!

- Laugh more!!

- Make a new blogskin too !!

- Buy a tub of youghurt and eat !!! xD

Don't know whether can fulfill all. Seems alot !! ><

Fuck you depression!!!! :(

from neck all the way to back

Omg.. I've never pain till the lower before...I feel my lower back pulling even when I am lying down!! :(
My neck all the way to my back.. so uncomfy... Really sad that I can't go celebrate sinee's bday tmr.. wanted to enjoy alittle before my papers. At least catching up with the others and eating with them... I don't want to work.. but I am a responsible person. I forgot to inform early :(
Hate it that I need to work during study times!!!

I don't want to think bout my long day tmr till 9pm.. good night

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铁观音 reminds me of my dad :)

He drinks this everyday.

Fun time passes fast !!

Hmmm.... Did had some fun and relax time with my classmates today :)

The roller coaster rides were awesome!! Trilling ! Since it was my first roller coaster rides...

I prefer bungee jumping or sky diving though :) The scenery and the real experience would be much more nicer !! I don't really like the dark rides >< ... too dark !! D;

My head still spinning from the rides..

Walked the whole day today... Back super uncomfy till i skipped my dinner with them. I went straight home and made myself some hot Horlicks and some tea to do my report instead ><

Heartbeat fasts due to the teas...But no choice.. I need the concentration and the power flow into my brain!! :(

My back is super uncomfy :( I can feel the muscle pulling from my neck all the way from my back on my way back from Sentosa...Haiz... This semester coming to an end and everything just come in one go.. Everything so packed.. Breathe, SW !!!

26 July : Dip Plus Presentation !!

31 July : SimTech presentation !!

1 August : Business For New Venture Presentation

6 August : Gems Paper!!!

8 August : Business report due !!!

14 August : Business and Dip plus Finance Paper together on the same day !! Fuck !! :(

21 August : Nanotech Paper !!!

23 August : Coating & Adhesives Paper !!!

28 August :Biomaterial Paper !!!

I have a total of 6 papers this semester !!! The last paper always drags !!! 5 days gap !! D;

During the holidays, will be all about FYPs and university applications !!! Mum's birthday coming soon too !!

Omg... Time flies :(

Pray ...

I went to pray and i heard voices in my head after i reached home.

" Things rebound twice the more you withhold..."

An advice? A message? I don't know. But i was just washing my face that time when i heard this.. Weird and somehow scary.. T.T

I prayed differently this time. There's no right or wrong way of praying i guess...

But in the end, may be all well for everyone !! :)

One more assignment and let's concentrate on my studies !! I shopped alot for ppl's de bday present today. Heartpain sia.. Dun dare to see my account after this wed :(

Home alone !!! and I am blogging with soft musics after brewing a cup of tea for myself !! Very calming... :) I like the smell of the tea leaves :)

Back pain :(

Lost

I got it from my friend that physical can never make up for emotional lost.. It is hard to be rational for something that is isnt. Thank you for being there for me, Joy :)

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart

and to try to love the questions themselves

as if they were locked rooms or books

written in a foreign language.

Don't search for the answers,

which could not be given to you now,

because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is to live everything.

Live the questions now.

Someday, in the future, you will gradually,

without even noticing it, live your way into the answers.

私を作ることを忘れてください。

@#$%^!#$

Haiz... My brain really getting worse... It's getting scarier now.. :(

- I was about to take money out. I thought i did. In the end i never.

- I did have some images in my brain that i saw my phone charger lying around. But somehow, it wasnt in my bag now anymore :(

- I left my cup of water on the table. But i had images that i left it on the floor beside my bed.

- I had myself wanting to write something down but need to refer to my phone's memo. I held up my phone and put it back down without doing anything else.

That's how i get lost always... That's how i nearly lost my laptop and my stuffs...

And the cycle goes over again.. :(

The meet up :)

Hmmm... Her hand is still warm and comfy to me.. Haha !! She told me my hands still the same!!! Always cold !!! Our bond shared was rather strong i guessed. My feelings for her was real those days. She passed me back my old clothes. I was shocked that she kept it for three years!! All the best to you okay? :)

Wanted so much to stay over but i never... I felt tired all over and my back's breaking.. :(

Things gonna get tough..I have two papers on the same day. One after the other for business!!! DAmn it!! Why clash!! D;

Let's rest more and complete my assignments soon !!! So that i can study and focus on my revisions :)

Let's bulk up and not complain!! SW JiAyoU !!!

I always

love hard :)

bloggin beside mum :)

I am the most vulnerable when I am with the ppl I am close with.. I told myself not to cry in front of mum but in the end...tears just flow :(  Cos mum is finally here... and it's like I am having alot... facing alot in my mind and my heart. I dont have to say much.. I know mum understands :)

My back dont feel comfy these day..My throat doesn't feel good now and I feel like having fever.. Haiz..fml!!

I pray hard that I can find my com next Monday. I really don't dare to think so much now..

Let's just enjoy tmr!!! :) 

                                I need motivation
                                                     badly

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So uncomfy....

The more i type..or sit straight on my chair... I can feel the muscle or nerve pulling :(

Straight from my neck, shoulder to my back !! Ouch :(

I have alot of reports to do :( I have not yet started my revisions for exams too... My dip plus is so dead... Not a good time to pain !!!

back pain pain D;

Back fucking pain today.. Mensus made it worst I guess... even I am lying down now. Haiz.. pain to a point my tears nearly out this morning.. so sudden.. throbbing and lasting de pain...omg.. my back is so pain!! :(

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Pathetic... :(

Wtf... it is almost 4am again..my body was resting...cos my eyelids are really heavy but what is my mind thinking?? :(

why my soul is so unpeace? My happiness is so drained up lately....gotta stock up rochers.. lol...

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....... Back uncomfy :(

I wanna swim ....

Body fucking tired... mensus coming? I sleep better these days.. I wonder if it's due to mensus coming.. Once a month, but i hate the mood swings and the emo part of it. That's why i always want to find out from my cheerful friends if they have the same thing during their pms... lol

Should i go swim or run today?

Legs feel jelly from the long nine hours of work for the past two days.. back feels breaking..fucking tired. I hate it. I hate to work during school. I hate it that i need the money. I need to save for my further studies. At the same time, i don't want to miss out catching up with my friends. Some opportunities and moments you cannot rewind. I would at least want to join my class outing before i graduate. And they suggested USS ... So ex :(

My body heart and soul is so tired...But i want to swim.. I prefer swimming nowadays. Being inside the waters feel nice :)

hey

I will be back,okay? :)

I don't want you to see this side of me very much. I just want to remain as a happy and cheerful ShanWen to ya :) Fulfill this simple wish of mine okay?

Ignore my sister. I told you many times liao. I am tired explaining and making her to see things the way i see. We are different :) Take care and yes i hope for the best for your check up and upon completing your tasks!!!

Cd

Another night..

D:

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Sleepless nights

Can't sleep!!!! Oh gosh...  :(

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空

A final destination where you receive peace?

She reminds me the most of my grandma. Cos she is her sister.

R.I.P Hei Yi Po ( Hei Ah Yi )

19.6.2012 :(

Insomnia...

I missed those days where my dad would sensed that I can't sleep at nights and brought me out to eat late supper with him.. steamboat on a chilly night or satay snack while watching football matches with him.  Dad, I can't sleep. I didn't sleep well these days :(

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7th June 2012 : Some real updates ! lol

Which and when

Let go

I will not kill myself

Stay strong !!!

..i.. u

In the end I am just me :)

Things were really hard before this...But in the end, one thing i realized during the period is that I really cannot do anything about it at all. Nothing at all.Not even with what i chose to do with. So why don't i just accept it and let's nature takes it course? I must be here for a reason. Things surely happen for a reason. And i must stay strong to keep pushing forward ! I have to keep pushing forward! Just keep PUSHINg ON !!! I want to become a better me !!

I have learnt to handle my studies and work well. Work less. Study more. My fyps are going fine. I just need to learn how to cope with undesirable results, work out the solutions, plan well for my group and the unreasonable scoldings by my tutor to show that he is in control. In the end, I still did my job well. I shall respect and thankful to you for ur patience and guidance. No negative words to be said or think !!!

Work is pilling up but i shall take it down one by one. Reports and assignments. It really isnt much holiday for me but still i am glad that there is no lessons :)

I will make time for the things i like to do. Watching some movies sometimes, enjoy day or night walks, going for runs, go for a swim with my friends, going out and catching up with them, stone for a while, and looking up to the sky as always!! :)

I would want to watch a movie in the cinema before sch restarts though ! :D

Jiayou !!

p/s : Thank you for holding me back as a friend. So that i won't lose one good friend as you !!