Since young, my mum doesnt need to worry much about her children. Each of us knew the importance of study. And the only thing she would worry about is us working too hard. Burning too much midnight oil. Sleeping too late at night. She doesnt ever need to come in and tell us : Please go study... LOL
I dont think i have ever heard her telling me this in my life. I missed my mum and dad so much. Missed the days where i need to wake up at 5 plus in the morning daily to make her breakfast and do all the chores that she has passed on to us while we were only ten. After my sister and I finished all the chores and making breakfast, we would take turns to go and wake her up.
It was always hard for me to wake up someone who is sleeping so soundly. If can, i would want them to sleep much longer. Deep inside, i would always be sorry to wake someone up from their sleep :)
Then, she would be out from her bed, and went for her bath. My sister and I would rest on the kitchen table. Sometimes, we would even fall asleep at the staircase due to the tiredness. After breakfast, we set off to sch and reached ard 7.15am.
At times, when my father forgot to wake up to do his dialysis in the middle of the night, I will either study till late at night to wait the timing for his next dialysis treatment (usually ard 2am or 3am) or sleep with my specs so that i dont deep sleep .
If can, i dont mind exchanging some good nights of sleeps for him. I don't mind spending my life taking care of someone dear to me. To me, it is a blessing. I dont see it as a suffering :)
That's why i say. I was much much stronger in the past. Not as physically strong lol.. I was really much fitter in the past. Haha That's why i dont like to complain. Not being weak or so. But how can u complain so easily when you have someone bearing much more pain and discomfort than you?
These are some fragments of my life. Which made me who am i today!! I am just Shanwen :) Do not compare me with others cos there is only one ME. I dislike it. Be it stress level. Be it anything at all. That is why i seldom talk bad about ppl too. Cos they are also who they are. Good or bad. This is how they bring themselves. But, one thing sure is always do good to ppl ! :)
After the day that i broke down, i realized i really do need to learn how to prioritize. You did make me think. Thank you for that day really :) I am really glad that you came back so many times. I was relieved when i see you came back with tissue paper after what i have said that made you went away. Hmmm thank u :)
I used to see my studies, my work, my own life and health , friends and r/s as equally important. I dont like to let any one of them down. At times, i think when all these comes at me, it choke me up instead. And it appears to be true. I was choked upon myself. I broke myself down each time :(
So, the same very question : What is it that you really want? What you really want isnt so hard to fight for :)
As for now. I will go for my studies as my top priority. Next would be my health and work. Then family, friends and r/s :)
Slowly learn. Make effort and enjoy the short life we have now. Treasuring and cling to every minutes and seconds. To be with the people you hold dear. Creating moments and memories with them. Giving and receiving good feelings from them. Be truthful to yourself and others. Take breaks and always remember to look around the beautiful things around you. It is very easy de!! Just look up always :)
Time to continue my report T.T
