The Last Day of 2014 ....

Lets see... year 2014 is coming to an end soon. What have I learnt? What have i achieved?

This year was almost a changing point for me. Indeed. It turned better.. :)) 

In terms of personal growth, I guess that's it. The almost growing fear to grow up into a proper adult. In which i hope I would be a proper and responsible one. 

I coped better with studies in my year Three.. with better professors and notes too. It definitely helped abundance with proper study methods too and time management. I didn't miss a single lecture recordings even though I miss all those lessons. And I am really proud of myself. Let's keep this spirit up till next year !!! I am taking a part time job too. Really wish I can cope with my studies and work and at the same time manage to save up! 

Towards the August, and I do not actually know how too. Things slowly getting better for me and him as our relationship stabled up. After that One Piece ship. Hahaha...It took me too long to reach here.. T___T But I am so happy and glad that things are slowly working out!! Let's make it a forever, shall we? Though sometimes, I do not dare to imagine one. It looks tough.. :( 

He keeps falling sick..How is he able to really take care of me? What my mum said is true. How much will it be left for him to take care of you? When his body took so much from him? Sigh....I told mum that it can't be helped. Cos I had fallen for him and mum said that it would be my choice. 

.......................................

ah... Its nice to be home alone at times.. :)

My 2015 resolution:

1. Push my GPA as high as possible. May It reach at least 3.0 before i graduate !!!! :( 

2. Settle current debts by May 2015. 

3. Save up to at least half my sch fees by the end of 2015.

4. A new phone. Iphone 5s? Iphone 6?

5. Complete my internship smoothly during the May holidays. 

6. Towards the end of 2015, may my solo FYP commences smoothly.

7. Argue lesser with him. Whenever u want to start argue, you tell him and yourself that you love him instead. 

Lastly. Regret nothing.. Laugh harder.. Live happily.. Be positive and positive will come to you!! :) 

.................................

Ah...the last day of 2014..

You did good to me, 2014... :) 

May 2015 a better and a beautiful year to come!!! ^^

30 min walk :))))

I write so that I won't forget them.. :))

It was a really nice walk date with ya..I love walks with you... :)) And yeah...ya right. It was my dreams came true.. I was stun and dumbfounded for 3 secs.. My heart skipped a beat when he mentioned and talked about our future.. It was a first time. And it sent me almost butterflies. I was joyous when he mentioned buying a house together.. :))) Let's make that wish come true ..ok? :)))

I will work hard too. 

~ 30 Dec 2014 

The Best Xmas Ever !!!! 25 Dec 2014 ~

Dear me... :)

Whenever you are lost.. and feeling alone and down to Earth, I wish that once you read this post, you would gain back whatever faith and strength to move on from the sadness and the negativity that you would be feeling. I know it hurts. Coz if it doesn't hurt this much, it just means you didn't love this man as much... :) 

He did thought of you in his heart. You are just as important to him as he is to YOU. You are important to me, Baby. It's just that he is not that an expressive as a person and he is somehow born with it..... :/ And you have do your part in accepting him as who he is :) 

Whatever he do or said has no intention in hurting you for he has came to love you as much too.. :)

And deep down, you know it too.. :)  

From the efforts he made.. his dedications of songs. Go take a look at all the doggies that he has bought for you. He thought of you whenever he bought each of them.. and I bet his heart is smiling just as you are :)

When he is watching The Hobbit with you, he intentionally ordered food (even though he is unwell and not feeling like eating) , so that he won't spoil the mood. He did it all for you. He kissed your palm when he is watching you in pain. 

And today, inside the cinema while watching Paddington, he went out the cinema just to get you a cup of Hot Milo, Cos he scared that you are too cold. Remember how touched you felt? 

In fact, my eyes are tearing up while writing this post.. Gosh.. you made me cried twice out of happiness..   

He might not be the man of your dreams. He might just not be perfect . Not every single time. Not every single moment. But isn't him there for you each time? Isn't him putting effort and changing for you? Isn't him doing his best and making things work out? :) 

 He's a human too and treat him like one! Don't make him suffer from your NEGATIVITY and look forward creating much beautiful memories and happiness with him just IN THE NEXT MOMENT!! Give him his own deserved space ! You need it too!! Have strong trust in him! And he will returned the trust for you too! He will Love you back too! :) 

It was the eve of the Christmas and he has finally fulfilled his promise and brought me to the long-awaited To-gather cafe.. It feel as if I am the most blissful girl today.

The menu looks so pretty that I wanna bring back home ... >.<

Mango latte and Mango Breezer for X'mas! 

Corn Chowder Soup of the Day ~

He looked like the most handsome man on Earth today and i had a hard time breathing... Love you so much, my love :)) 

Pork Gordon Bleu and loads of good foodies ~! :D

Be happy! 

<3 p="">

:)

To-gather cafe !! :D

:))

And after that, we went home and took a nap! I like having naps with him. Sleeping just by his side. Watching him.. :)) Followed by the Paddinton movie..  I like seeing his face when he's playing Dota... Blissful to be by his side to write this post :)) 

I went to hug him too.. Gosh.. He didnt know all these inside me...

Its a great Christmas for me. So far the best X'mas that I have had so far... :))))

What's there more to ask , Sw? :) 

Remember this. Bad times will pass! He loves you very much that he aches as much as you do!

Don't sabotage all these !!!! 

定性

定性.

But ya somehow haven't really... for someone at ur age :(

Is it cos I didn't know you enough? Didn't know you fully?


Sigh. Have you ever thought carefully for your future? Our future? :(

Why are u like always wasting time? :(

Don't.

A day to remember :))))

I do not know how to express my thxfulness having you by my side ...
Its not that i am not happy .. Its just me being sad for not being able to spend more time with ya :(

"We both like dancing...", you said.
We both was like hugging each other and spinning away inside the kitchen... lol

Deep down...I was smiling in my heart. We accidentally danced for the first time. :)))
It felt nice, you know? It felt like we having our own world of our own..I felt as if I was like a princess in a fairytale. :))

Thx you for telling me. Thx u so so much for expressing to me. It was the first time we have been together so long that you told me this without me prompting. You have no idea how high your song recording makes my heart flies.

" U shud know i love u de".

I will remember this till the day I die.

Love you too, my dear. Till the day i die .. :)

~31 Nov 2014 & 1 Nov 2014

Feelings after that

Feelings after that..

I fail to understand what is happening to me

Nor why I am feeling like I how i just used to be

I am just so deeply

Madly in Love With You

Just how I used to Feel 

So strongly 

You took over my mind 

And

I have been thinking of you

For almost every single second. 

Gosh.

I wonder if you would feel so
for me?

Longings

A mixture of happiness 

& sadness

when you saw him

just 5 minutes

no less and no more

Tears of joy 

& Sorrow

Flow with such Cruelty 

Brutal from Missing someone

even it was just 2 days apart.

Gosh..What is this... why am I crying this bad? :((( 

DO u know?

You know?

No matter how much you disappoint me.. no matter how much you make me feel sad and casted far away from you. No matter how much I am pissed at you...

I would still check my phones to see if you will try to explain things till I can accept them..I would still find ways so that we both are at the same page..
I would still thought of you so much when I'm making or doing things for you. Even refilling water for you.

Your cheeky face. Your face. The face of the man I couldn't believed that i have loved so much.

No eye see at myself.  /_\



 

How much do u see? How much do u feel?

It's been long since we argued this big... :( 

My heart breaks along with the pillow I threw at you, do u know that? Those frustrations in me and u keep not getting it. It hurts. It pains me. 

I'm really sorry tht it turned out to be like that. When u just didn't do much wrong but just being urself.  

 

             

                         Sad day. 

Argued with a second dear friend due to him again. Gosh. Why?

Somehow. I do not understand how come they weigh relationship or friendships so .....Does it really mean so little to them? Did they spare a thought for me before each words that come out from their mouth? How many ppl will actually take the effort to sustain true friendships? I do. 

I do not believe each of us have the right to say or judge anyone. As i have always am. I choose to accept ppl as who they are. Be it good or bad. They are still who they are. My sister is still my sister no matter what. My friends are still my friends. He is always who he is.. 

I will choose not to explain so much..

"How can a man die better than facing fearful odds, for the ashes of his fathers and the temples of his gods" 

 ~ Horatius 

Movie marathon :))

           My first movie marathon 

It was perfect. 

Perfect date I had ever have with you. Thx you very much for it... :)))

Oh I love you so much Baby!! 

The Secret To Staying With Someone Forever Is To Keep Falling In Love (And Never Stop) ...

1. We’re cursed to forever draw comparisons between new experiences and memories. It's NORMAL.

Just as much as it is advantageous, having the ability to prop two things side by side, compare them and analyze them, is also what damns us to a life riddled with sadness and disappointment.

Accepting that the lows in life are necessary for the highs isn’t built into our nature.

We are creatures who never want to lose. We never want to lessen our holdings, our place in the world and social circles.

We are individuals who fear loss. When we take a look at experiences we’ve had and emotions that we’ve felt, we compare them to what it is that we are feeling at the present moment.

While memories allow us to look back fondly, they simultaneously lessen the pleasure that we receive from what we are now experiencing.

2. Because we hate losing, we love the idea of always rising higher, always getting more, experiencing something novel and, above all else, improving. That's why we are on the LOSING team!

We’re in a constant competition with ourselves trying to outdo our pleasant moments in life with more pleasant and more memorable ones.

All of this, however, is an illusion – a trick that we play on ourselves. And it’s this constant pursuit of that higher high that will make you feel as if you’re constantly on the losing team.

3. To win in life and to form a successful partnership, you have to learn to appreciate the uniqueness of every moment you live. Every moment you spend with the person you love is a moment you will NEVER get back.

No two seconds in your life will ever be the same. No two moments will ever taste exactly like another, nor will you ever again live this very minute of your life.

We all live on borrowed time. The person you are this very second is not the person you were the last.

4. The time that you have with the one you love is time that you ought to cherish, regardless of how it makes you feel compared to how other moments in your life made you feel. 

What you once felt is gone. You can’t live in past, allowing fossilized emotions to influence your decisions. What you are feeling right now is the only time in your life that you will feel exactly that way.

This moment is unique. It isn’t duplicable and therefore it should be appreciated.

Because we take each moment for granted, we lose sight of the fact that love is a living thing that needs to be nurtured.

5. The secret to loving, lasting relationships is simple. You need to fall in love with the person all over again and do so as often as possible.

We all remember that moment when we come to realize that this stranger we met not too long ago holds great value to us, the moment we realize that we care about this person as much as we care about ourselves.

This magical moment will almost certainly never be as magical as it was the first time around.

The first time will always be the most intense of times if only because of that extra stimulant.

This, however, does not mean that falling in love over and over again with the same individual isn’t possible.

6. All it means is that falling in love with this person will never feel the same as it did the first time around. It will feel different each and every time and it will be for different reasons, under different conditions and circumstances.

What you cannot allow yourself to do, however, is to spend time comparing the way that you are now feeling to the way that you felt initially when Cupid struck his arrow.

Doing so will only nullify the emotions that you should be feeling. The past will drown out the present if you don’t learn to love the moment for what it is alone and nothing else.

Moved to tears for the first time ~

I'm moved to tears. The vibrating happiness in me was beyond words for the past few hours and I have been asking myself over and over. 

"Am I dreaming?" 

He told me I'm not.. :)

Thx you so much. Gosh. I couldn't believe this day would come and I didn't know it meant so much to me when my tears flow down. I didn't know how seriously I was in love with you. I didn't know.  

I was crying all the way home.. Gosh. 

It became so real to me now. Mixture of feelings. Happy and so scared.. I do clearly understand risks now. And I thank you for taking those risks with me. May we both endure all of them together.. :)

"I fear oblivion,” he said without a moment's pause. “I fear it like the proverbial blind man who's afraid of the dark.” ~ Fault In Our Stars 

Losing hope

You're tired of thinking...

I'm tired of asking... Waiting ... Hoping... 

I'm losing hope.

Inside the red line train to fish shop ~

You.

I looked out.

Those white plastic bag lined along the train tracks. They looked really like snow for an instant. I continued to stare and pretend that they were. It was a very beautiful sight. Suddenly, I thought of him. Gosh. I didn't know why when we have so many arguments and disagreements just hours earlier. I wished that he could be here sharing the same sight as me.

Wished hard that I can always know what he is thinking. 

I saw a young lad. He was in his school uniform. Looking fair and neat haircut. Have a very guai look. I wonder if he will be a fine gentleman when he grows up.. Those kind that will break a lot of girls' hearts. 

The fine lady was sitting beside him. She didn't wear heavy make ups. But near perfect eye shades and eye liners. Peachy lips. Fair complexion. Muscles and fat fairly proportionate.Very pretty for a lady at her age. It inspired me to become someone like her when i come to her age... =)

If all relationships have no perfections...

If this is true love..

If you truly listen..

If we both really listen... 

Prove it to each other!!!! 

.

I do.

Be strong, Sw. Don't look back.

9-14-9-8-19-2-15-6-22-22-18-2-13-6-3-19-9-14-19-12-18-9-25

God it hurts

"Have you ever thought that it would be easier if it were someone you really love?"

You couldn't answer me.

In Time.

I had always.. always end up packing my room whenever we had our breaks.. Be it short breaks or mini ones..And as time goes by, it gave me different feelings. Different insights and it has served me as proper guidance throughout these years harboring so much feelings for you.

It was literally torture at first. I cannot even find myself deleting your messages. I cried so hard on that day when you told me to delete them all on the phone..so that i won't see. You have not made up your mind then. It was three years back now...I was hugging my knees crying beside the toilet door.

Another year passed. I tried hard to detach and I asked you not to contact me till I am ready to take you as a friend again.

Then those blockings came. When i blocked you, it wasn't meant to cease any sort of communication or two-ways communication with you but to forbid myself to get hurt. So that I will give up on you. So that you couldn't hurt me anymore. You hugged me and kissed me still. And yet you told me that you would look for other ppl and so should I. I was too blinded in those feelings then for its the only way to remain close with you. You had told me that you might have feelings for so many other girls..I did not want to listen to any of your explanations and so still I came back to you with a lasting hope. I couldn't stopped myself from missing you.

The second year passed.

I couldn't take it no more. And sm came by. He was the solution. Those chains that i put on myself felt lighter. And yet I was too accustomed to those chains that I couldn't bring myself to leave. Even though i was out with sm, be it hug or so.. I would always want to head home but not you. I didn't look forward going home whenever i was out with you. I continued wearing those chains praying one day you would unlock it.

You made me wait for another 6 months.

We started to really going out recognizing each other as bgr. Even though it was inofficial and unstable. But I am proud of it. I was proud of having you as my bf. I showered you lots and lots of love. I said it out hoping that you could feel it from me. I told you that i missed you and I really mean it. And i wished and prayed hard again for the same return of wishes. You replied me with silly emotions. The monkey emotions. It broke my heart. I wanted so much to be held hands and guided to cross the streets or walkways. You made fun of my lack in sense of directions. When all I tried was not walking behind you. I walked in front or beside. That's how we walked different directions. I hate it very much.

My birthday came. It was my first time celebrating my bday with my bf. And yet another two girls shared the same flower as mine. Rainbow-colored roses. And the portable charger was not even his choice. But all the while, I told myself not to let him know. Till one day, i choose to let you know. I am very appreciative of your effort in planning and his thoughts. It wasn't perfect but I had my happiest first bday celebration with you. It was one of my happiest date with you.

Another six months passed. Ppl started asking me and mh asked me out on new year. He wasn't aware that I was attached to you and I asked you if i can tell him. But you said the otherwise. That it would be hurtful for him. But I have already hurt him worst three years back. 

Valentine's day ard the corner. I didn't know if I should go out with you since you wanted to go into your cave. And we had always been arguing due to loads of matters. Due to not being able to let ppl know. Due to you not holding my hands. Due to once you went out alone with hl without letting me know. Due to me feeling that I am indifferent from a friend. It felt almost hopeless. In the end, I'm glad that I did and I was really happy and very touched. You touched my heart and I once felt hope and faith in our love again. I was really happy that you told me that it's alright tagging you in pics and telling friends that we are together when they asked. I am so happy that you could do that for me.

Another month passed. I started feeling better going out with you. You would hold my hands occasionally. You hugged me more often. You supported me throughout my uni studies. I was so grateful having you and you will assure me that you are always there. And yes. You did. So am I.

You took away a huge chunk of my heart till now. I feel like I was already binded to you. I love you so much. So much.

But those paranoid and insecurities throughout the years didn't left me. It was not that I don't trust you having no love feelings for them. You fail to provide me securities right from the start. It went worst when you would add students up at fb and even initiates talks with them. After being in an relationship with me. It was accumulating in me from day to day. Seeing you showering other girls compliments, asking them out in my face, talking with them so that you can know them more as friends. Yet again. You chose not to let them know that you are attached. I thought we have been through it and you will do the same like me. You disappointed me when you told me it was your personal and private life. When I should be sharing it with you already. That is the meaning of attached. Its not changing you. But you did not. How hurtful it is. To have already offered you to go out on that day instead or so. But you told someone else that you're boring. Instead of me. I feel like you are sick of me. I feel useless as a gf. Not being able to make her own bf comfortable enough to confide in her. 

 You have showered me love and care as a bf. I am really thankful for all the effort and all. I know you did make the effort. But with you having second thoughts when I asked you to let your friends know, don't you dare telling me that you are looking further in our relationship.

I could not bring myself to see past that now. Be it in time that you will but I am too broken to follow your pace already. I couldn't go in much further when you don't allow me to take up some of your space.

I love you, Baby and I really do. How much i wished that those insecurities will vanish and i would feel alright if you explained to me it will be. I am sorry again to have checked on your phone. I regretted but I guess things happened for a reason. It just told me that I couldn't accept ways like it is. And it is already part of you. Trust me, I love all of it. I have said it alot of times. I love your goods and bads. I aren't perfect, i know. But not this. Those that you give aren't enough prove. You just cannot overcome it. Being afraid to share your private life with me. It matters so much to me. 

God, please grant him good shape and health always. Make his headaches, dizziness, nausea and all discomforts to go away. Transfer his sadness and pain of losing me to me. Grant him good sleeps every night and if he really seeks comfort and enjoyment in life by knowing more friends, then grant him true friends and may he found someone he truly loves and she truly accepts him as who he is. 

And May my Pain Heals In Time.

Heartaches. Mini heat attack? or just simply ache?

All i know is pain. It burns.

Love.. Trust.. Understanding.. Forgive.. Forget

Lost.

Dear God, please help him in his sleeps, backaches..headaches..Grant him good health and loads of happiness. So be it that he is more comfortable that way.

I am searching for what is barely left.

.

"It is not what you see nor hear, it is always what you feel. . . Your heart speaks the truth . .don't deny it. When you learn how to die, you'll learn how to live. ."

What did my heart say?

One come after another. Trust

I do not know how to trust you. 

The feeling of betrayal of love. When you can just go friendly with other girls. I shouldn't see and hurt myself up. 

Its a wrong relationship when one could be jealous at other relationships...I never even dare to say it out about how much i am jealous when i can see couples smiling at each other.. when they walked past me holding hands..eyes locked at each other. Their loving texts and they know that they are just there for each other and no one else. They looked and felt so meant to be that they wouldn't care what ppl think about them. The shame and fame they would share them all. The pain and gain. Up till now. I have not minded about ur back or health.

You shared your routine with her. I do not know why you will do that to a friend. You told her that you are boring and what would u expect her to reply or do? What would she think about it when you sound so friendly and approaching? Look at how you app me and how you app your friends..

You held my hand just a little too shortly. And throughout you left my hand felt bare when i ended up walking behind you again. 

I'm really lost.... Clueless... Voiceless. 

Why

I cannot see anything bad....when the name can make you laugh that way...

How your face changed when I asked if it's her....It was a delighted face...that you seldom show me.

I am sorry that I could not understand. It just hurts me so much..

Why did it have to be today? :((((

I am just gonna sleep it off...Maybe later go jog or something..

Why

Why did it happened after yesterday's bliss?

Peaceful .. Cooling ~

It has been awhile since i feel this peaceful... :))

I have always loved this kind of weather. And here I am ... at my old room ( nephew's room now..)
blogging beside the window. Cooling.. =)

Things have been so far alright. Life goes on. I have been getting used to NTU now. The routine..The stress..A different way of study. Yet I failed one module in uni !! :(( Electromagnetics and Magnetics Properties of Materials. I hate it. Or maybe this is just not the course I am carved to be in. I have no other choice but to continue. But let's just see how.. We ought to create our own path!!!

Questions that i will ponder nowadays:

 Am I wasting life away? What have you achieved? What is your standing point in life now?
How much have you actually saved? How much do you still owe?

 Time flies. I'm turning 24. But what have I accomplished? Sigh.. I hope time will tell me!!! Right now, I am having a rather good break with my family and friends. I hope after this break, I gain back my strength to continue my journey to slowly discover more of life!! :)

Things has been going on well with him too. Thank you so much for making the effort and standing by me, Baby! :)

11th

Good or bad.

To me, it was beautiful.

Our feelings are beautiful. 

You did not come. 

Why again and again

What am I going to do? Sitting down here and cry? Then how am I going to do it? I didn't want to cry at home. I don't have a room for myself today. 

All those sadness and disappointments... 

All those love and hate... 

It's all tearing me apart. 

A part of me wished hard. Wished that you would come and explain to me. Promise me that things will not be the same. And that I will not experience these pains as much anymore.. 

A part of me just tell me that you won't. It's me that told him that I couldn't take it and that I needed the break. But why am I breaking up myself apart now? Why do I still miss? How can both pains weigh almost the same? The pain from the hurt u inflict and the pain from my own heart. 

Why.

All lies.

I always will.

I don't love you. But I always will ~

Focus on the good!

When you are negative, u tend to focus on the bad things. But in result, u lost focus on what are the good things tht you are surrounded with. 

I wasn't really able to enjoy his presence while keep on focusing on the bad things. But after the talk, I feel better letting him know and started to feel grateful having him by my side and be by his side :)

Thank you for telling that you will improve and slowly won't let me feel that way again :) 

Lately, it has been really nice and good :)

。。。你真的懂事 了吗？ 

Powerful Quotes !

Words have power — and these inspiring quotes are guaranteed to challenge the way you think and perhaps even change the way you live.

 Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. Forgiving means accepting that it happened. Why angry?

Do you listen? Or hear?

Why do you compare when you are so unique and amazing? =)

The Impact 

Don't only survive! But Live Life ! 

When you hit the bottom, there's no way but to go UP.

I am Who I Am !

Make the most of the time you have, because you can never get it back. Treasure every moment and dime.

The next time you say you're busy, know that it's an excuse. If you truly prioritize something, you will make time for it. Be it relationships, friendships, or something else — you always have time for anything if you make time.

Its your choice.

=)

There's always two sides of the story. Why do u judge?

Don't stress about it =)

Their intention does not meet their actions.

Breathe

Yes.

Have patience. Sometimes, you can't rush things.

Appreciation and Thxful

Why lie?

U become who U think U are!

Choose Happiness. 

Ask. Keep asking ... 

Life goes on.

They continue to live in our heart. 

Reality is always harsh

The secret to accomplishing great things at work is to love what you do. Keep taking the steps that will get you closer to a career you love.

Live in the present and don't let the past and future trip you up.