Checking out.. =(

Lesson learnt. When i am tired, I should know it. And i will shut my mouth up :D

It will be better cos i suck at control . Even worse when i am tired like this.

I am getting out =)

Because i am trying a bit too hard. Making it worse ==

And ... I realized it will be better for me without trying.

I am going to study very hard. Let's push myself up to my limits.

That is if i have limits :D

i give up.

Fucking pain . . .

My back and shoulder was fucking stiff and tired last night.. I kept cursing.

Cos these pains . . .My mind, my soul and my body . .

All these fucking pains didn't even give me a fucking mind to do any work at all.

The saddest thing is that i couldn't find a cure for this pain. THERE'S NO CURE FOr It . . .

and while no one can help you, you can only bear with it.

And you just have to keep holding on for a little while more. . and How long will that be??

Fucking pain while i have so much more things to do .

You cannot go out of the cave, SW. . . as for now. You CANNOT !!!

Or else the next time you come in, there's no way out. And you'll be trapped inside.

DO you really want to be trapped in like this?? Or is this the right thing to do., really...

"What are words. ." Whenever i hear this being played, i thought of you . . .

Why must one feel pain even when you hear his name or when you said it out?

Just to let you know. I dont have the tiniest regret in knowing you =)

You don't have to be sorry because i don't mind them at all.

keep breaking ouT

and be happy, mingz . .

Checking into SW's cave ~~~

Remember that. I am always here ^^

Even though i am inside the cave.

Always.

School and stuff. . .

I didnt have the right time and right environment to blog these days. .

My back . .Why does it pain me so differently this time? It usually attacks me either late in the evening or night times. .Why so early in the morning? It hurts me the whole fucking day. It feels like breaking and tired for supporting a heavy weight. . I am scared, really. .

It took me hell to concentrate on what the teacher is teaching. . I am just so dead this semester. There're modules that i really dont understand at all. All involve mind creativity that i lack in so much !!! I am no intelligent =( I must work harder to replace it. .The studies . .it didnt come simple to me anymore =( and It is just the beginning. Starting next week, the full course of hell will come. Sometimes, i just feel so tired in trying so hard . .Why am i doing all these? Why am i still not willing to give up just?

No. Not yet, sin . .Just not yet.

When all these keep spiraling in my head. I thought it wouldnt pain me so much till i really talk about it. It hurts me that i am still have to depend on my mum. I dont think i can work this semester . .But see how first. . I hate it. I seldom ask. I seldom want.

I don't have the faith in you anymore, brother. You didnt even reply me ! WTF

I miss ya shoulders

the comfortable spot . . .

Hell, I don't know. Anymore.

Different languages but one meaning . . . =)

私はあなたが欲しい

나는 당신을 원해요

Σας θέλω

Искам те

我想你

Ik wil dat je

Tôi muốn bạn

ฉันต้องการให้คุณ

Je te veux

Te quiero

Ich will dich

मैं तुम्हें चाहता हूँI want you

Aku ingin kau

Volo

Forbidden . .

" I am so Darn Tired !!! "

" It was so Fucking Pain !!! I want it to end !!! "

Those were forbidden words, sin . . .

You should not get used to them anymore . .

I have the same modules for my main core dip and dip plus. Principle of Marketing . . The same set of notes and lectures =="

And i shall excel in them both . . . includes in the Reaction Mechanism module in which i fail to get exemption...

I swear under the moon. For what may come for me, let them be. And i will absorb like a sponge. I can do it, I know i can.

But please god, not too much ok? Dont over estimate my strength =(

when i can't

Moon's daughter =)

It was said in the Greek mythology that . . .

Females are daughters of the luminous moon ;

Males are sons of the mighty sun . .

Both with the Mother of Earth will protect their children . . .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The moon is really pretty tonight :D

Let's look forward to school reopen ~

I want . . . ?

" Y'all know exactly what you want . . "

"Well, what about you? What do you want?"

"I don't know. Nothin' "

"Come on . . What about when you a are a kid. All kids want something, "

"I dont know. For me, it's just better not to want anything,

that way, if it goes away, or doesn't happen,

you know, it just doesn't matter . . "

. . . . . . . . .

" But there are things now that i want that i don't used to . . . "

School's tomorrow !!! My mum told me once . .Life sucks without objectives. Dont make yourself run out of one. Find another objective after another. That's how life is. Never push yourself to a corner that leaves you no options.

" I am always here to listen . ." This touched me a million times more when she said it =) And i regret being a total FUCKTARD to cry so much in front of her. No mum would want to see their children cry that way. Ever.

I can do it !!!

God . .Please dont toy with me. I am weak .

I am letting myself rest. Just for today and tomorrow ok, sin? ^^

I wanted you last night. I just wanted you. I was like a vampire just for that instant. The thirst and urge was really strong last night . . It was the most scary. . when i cared less about the outcome and consequences. It was NO me last night . . I must learn how to get hold myself. BE STRONG, sin !!!

You're too good for me, menghao =) I am not even worth the wait. Just why . . you didn't treasure me . I asked too much of you that time, i guess . .

School's starting . . YESH ~ I need distractions. . Let's see how far i can go this time :)

Ah. . a hot milo in the morning would be nice . .

JOG =)

I miss the sweating sensations . .

where i feel like i am in control of everything . .

In my own world of thoughts and power songs . .

Feel the wind whispers to my ears . .

while caressing my face . .

Feel every step . and breathing . .

while listening to my heart beats . .

~jog~jog~jog~jog~jog~jog~jog~jog~jog~jog~jog~jog~jog~jog~jog~jog~

Human tends to lose themselves while they are in pursuit of their life purposes . .

Don't ever lose YOURSELF !!! =)

Some updates . . .

Brother would be sending fees starting next month, i guess . . .His clinic was shut down and I really hope that he is doing well. Why you told dad that we didnt call? =(

How could I call when i thought you would be working all day and night without being able to reply our messages? I will give it a try tomorrow again. . Dont scare me, bro. . It has been the longest time that you never make any contact with us. And i hope that you are going to like the stuff that we are sending over for your upcoming birthday . . =)

School is reopening soon.. Going to be a year two Material Science student :D

Am i walking the correct path? The path that i want ? I dont have a clear picture of it, really. . But all i know is that i had enjoyed my first year in SP. . Made alot of wonderful friends. .gain knowledge. .experiences and colorful memories ^^

I look forward to things that i am going to learn ^^

I want to become a better me . . .

For you, I covet . . .

Thy love I shall not bind ;

free thou go.

Thy thoughts i shall not bear ;

fly thou go.

Get to love with thee ;

ye asked me not to.

Will thy feel? I wonder not if ;

I felt thou.

For you, I covet.

When? Will? What?

Now. Yes. True.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just an experssion of my feelings :)

At this instant.

For this moment..... =)

Ahh. .let's just have a great night !

I am just shanwen :)

Listen to your heart =)

I wonder . .what makes up of one's heart? =)

Your heart knows the correct answer . . .

People think that the heart is mushy and sentimental. But it's not. The heart is intuitive, holy . It's contextual, it's relational. It doesn't have a wini-lose orientation. At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.

Listen to your heart . . .

Consciously put your attention in the heart and ask your heart what to do. Then wait for the response - a physical response in the form of a sensation. It may be the faintest level of feeling - but it is there, in your body ^^

can true feelings really be controlled?

Be strong

Back to Ipoh . . .

Waa . . I ate so much == Feeling super unhealthy - lumps of oils and fats inside my body, floating . . AAARRggh . . I want to jog T_____T

But the time i spent with them was precious :)

I miss my popo. I wonder how people would remember me when i die =)

I wonder if you lose it to my father. If yes, I feel so much sorry for you.

More purple flowers would be nice ^^

HApppies =D

CHeeRfulNEss

It's a way of experiencing the present, no matter the weight of the world or the weather. Cheerfulnes celebrates the possibilities of finding meaning around every corner. It buoys me up beyond my individual concerns and invites me and others around me to find something happy about too. Cheerfulness . . . to my perception , is a chain reaction. You make someone happy. That happy person makes another person happy =)

This doesn't mean I hide behind my cheerfulness. I simply lighten and laugh =)

When I detach myself from me and my situation, I don't diminish or deny the circumstances - I want to go beyond them. I see, feel, and appreciate as I separate from distress, I will accept and rise above.

Yet, lijie, you fail to see me as me. . I don't even attempt to hide it in front of you. You always thought i am hiding. When i am not. Why can't I just have a-simple-happy for myself?

I will appreciate every opportunity in each day to connect meaningfully with others. I will take those moments on and make contact. I will appreciate the power to I have to bring meaning to my relationships - the ones I hold dear. I will honor the time and I won't limit my experiences. I am just me :D

I did paused and looked back. Is the pause too short for you? :(