Why did you all take advantage of my naive-ness?

"Feel" from what you feel . . .

I realised it only yesterday . . the moment i woke up from the deja vu feeling ~

In my so called " nightmares" , I am always the one who is chasing over someone. That person seems unreachable. No matter how fast i run or how far i reach out. I am scared in those dreams. The darkness seems to be swallowing me as a whole. I don't know why.

But each time i encounter "nightmares" , i got used to it.

Humans dream and yet nobody can explain why ^^


I just finished reading " Five people you meet in Heaven" by Mitch Albom. And it made me flow with unexplainable emotions. Emotions stir easily within me, i admit that. And that make me what i am. I am Shanwen ^^

Life is about all the unpredictables. Life owes no one.
It is a about sacrifices. When you lost something, you gain something in return.
When you feel that life is unfair, there is fairness elsewhere. It is repaid to someone else.
It is just not your turn yet. Others need it more than you.

Life can end but love will never. Love takes many shapes. You just fail to notice them. Listen and feel. It is not what you see or hear, but always what you feel.

Try to say " I forgive you , dad. . mum . ." and i forgive myself for all the bad things that i have done. You'll feel lighter. Remember life owes no one. Not even explainations.

Smile more. It is never too late to realize. Never. And time is never wasted on anything.
The only time that we have wasted is to think that we are alone :)

These are what i have learnt and i wish to share with you ^^

Everything is interconnected. There are may stories outside. But all come from one ~

..........................................................

School is starting next week. And i look forward to what awaits me -
Take care everyone ^^

i'm always here

A little update :D

Just reached Singapore 4 in the morning. ^^

It was fun. Driving turned out to be better than i had expected. LOL
Much better than motorcycle at least. My sister and i thought of giving it up after our first 2 hours of lessons. It was disasterous. It made me wonder the reason why i take it up in the place.
Did i really yearn to end my life so much? :D

The worst part is . . . No matter how hard is it . the word "give up" is just not in our dictionary. LOL
We both tried to but somehow. . *sighs
I think we'll manage somehow. It just takes time ^^
Once we take up something, we'll go to the end of it. Anything. At all.

I managed to eat loads of good food back in Ipoh. Managed to spend quality time with dad and mum. I feel happy when we're having dinner together.

Thanks for the great change from you, dad.
Compared to last year, you let me witnessed the scene that you beat mum.
The scene where you could just bring up your fist so easily against mum.
Mum, too. You showed concern when you said you don't care anymore. LOL
You managed to capture dad's change of expressions.

I miss going back to school. Hmm. . As for now, i still have 4 reports in hand. One presentation.
Looking forward to how well i will be doing for this time. I mean it XD
Really, i want to carve a path out for myself here, in SP.

I still dont know where i will going or what i will be doing , but i'm sure time spent here will not make me regret. I thank you and Andy really much. To make me see life this way again. I made it sound so serious, but I am.

I am writting so much rubbish again. LOL
TAKE CARE EVERYONE ^^

HELP ME OUT

please

Torment

Why all these again?

When i thought things are so much better now?

Is the needle used are sharp Not enough?

Sew too fast?

Or Pain received

No longer be felt?

Unheard voices are drowning up.

I shouted help IN VAIN.

So loud and clear

Not heard yet.

I wonder. How?

I swear Not to let

You see me like this. Never.

Ashes to ashes,

Dust to dust,

Thy sins are eternal and i pray not for the dead.

God, please grant me this little wish.

Hey ~

" Don't you feel tired making everyone happy everyday ? Won't you feel like having somone just to sit beside you or to make you smile in return? Won't you feel too cold sometimes ?
Won't you feel like just leaning on somone's shoulder? "

SW

Alone and cold

Hmm. . . " Such drastic change eh? "

" Yea. . "

I don't know but started to wear skirts recently. . To my surprise, i didn't feel weird at all. Friends here find it normal. I'm sure other's find it rather odd for me to change so much? My sister just said that to me last night ==

Sometimes, i do want a change. I want to " unSW" myself. LOL
I wanted to feel being a different person.

Bacisally, I just want a simple laugh everyday. A true smile everyday. Wanted to be more opstimistic :)

...............................................................................................

Ah. . just how long has it been to feel so alone and cold? So . . peaceful and calm? The weather suits it.
I've had my Japanese Test and i really hope that i did well for it.

I'm having Mid Semestral Exam this week. Just one more paper to go this Friday :D
It's a sky and earth difference than A level. Really. Friends said hard while i don't even dare to sound a voice. As i have thought, i really won't study as hard as A level. No more.

Don't know how i will be scoring this time. Don't dare to put hope as usual, but all i can say is this should be more promising than A levels :D
Life will turn out great !

Met up with Ah goh, Kok wai and Mun Si for dinner after my Maths paper. It was a nice gathering. We had a nice time chatting and sharing. Glad that i met them. Everyone are leading good lives ^^ I mean life's goes on for everyone no matter how hard it is. Guess pictures will be up on FB.

Don't have much to share. But will be ging back to Ipoh this coming Saturday night for a week. Driving lessons here i come T__T

I really looked forward of sleeping with my mum again. To eat dinner with my mum.To hug my mum tight tight. To say thank you for granting this life to me. . I'll treasure it and make my life as interesting as possible ~