Greyish butterfly. . .

As graceful as a butterfly... I just saw one in my room after my bath ..

It lingered on my hair and my hair was dripping wet. . I tried to lead it out. . But it just flew away ... Still flying in my room. .

Is it you , grandmother? You have always wear clothes of that color.....

I thought of you today . . Missed you ! =(

All the way to go, sin =D

I feel like going to the beach . . .

T__T

I am tired. . . Why do i keep saying those forbidden words. . .

HAHA. . Still have more to go, sw. . . more to come.

If you can't even handle all these tiny matter . . just small tests and all . .Really . .All these are just small bits of what you will be tasting in the future. There are much bitter stuff lying ahead. .

And you're just 21 . . . Life's has more for you . . You have to learn to be strong. Tough !!!!

I wasn't this way at all. I am not used to it. Hate it. I have to really stop complaining...

There are no shortcuts for you, sw !!!! Take one step at a time. Just keep going. . Just like that. And when you look back, you'll realize how far you have gone. Saying and doing is all different though . . =(

Will you be able to do it, sw? Will you be able to????

I am have been really down. . All these negative feelings.. with all these negative happenings..

I wonder how. Would they react when they found out. Huiwen, you make sure you FALL HARD. And you LEARN WELL. I dont know how to help you anymore. .

Thank you for being there . . . I feel guilty for liking you =(

My words . . like i'll go " puff " when you want the circle to disappear ..will make me feel better after saying it. . And yea. .saying and being able to do it is another thing as well. .

Sorry if i have hurt you =(

Studies first !!! Still have a little bit more to go !!! Hang on !!!!

I can do it !!!!

=(

Things are always harder for me.

I dont like to feel this at all.

sw, get the thing off your mind and concentrate on your studies ...

Please... concentrate on your studies.. T.T

down.. =(

Staying positive?

I always try to say positive things to myself and others. . Does it really help???

When deep inside, you keep screaming for help. Keep screaming. and keep on screaming. .

And then, you realize you have to stop somehow. Cause help will never come. The one who will help you will only be yourself.

You have to keep moving on. Keep you mind, heart and body cool . And continue. And continue.

Till another time when you cannot take it anymore. And your heart sends you the signal to scream again. . .so that you know. You have "feelings" somehow. You know it. And when you try to deny it, your heart punches you hard in.

sometimes i cry

the instant i hear your voice

sulky day...

For me, it wasn't really hard not crying. . . but i chose to cry whenever i feel like to.

I was not allowed to cry in my past. Cause things that come after that would be much worse. Hmmm . . my dad doesn't like us to cry. I wont elaborate further as i don't want to remember them =) I just want to keep a nice image of my father in my heart. What for you bear vengeance over your own parent? If weren't for them, you won't be who you are now ...

It has been long since there's no one at home. . I can play songs out loud and enjoy some peaceful time alone :D

It feels nice, wearing your pajamas, hair held loose, watching over the sunrise/ sunset and the beautiful clouds by my room window. I used to do that every day when i was at my old room. . The scenery was nicer than the one i am having now :D

Hmmm . . It was hard forcing yourself to accept and to learn things that you don't like. It is fucking tiring. Till i don't even have the strength to talk about it. To sprain my brain muscles. . Cos i cannot do anything about it. LOL

And it will starts all over again when the term starts. . I still have 7 weeks more to go till the next semester. . Is it the wrong course for me? I don't know. All i know is that i am fortunate to be given an opportunity to study compared to those who didn't get to. Yea . . I tell myself this every time. . .

Did a wrong gesture today .. Damn it!!! ==

i miss you popo :(

hmm. . exams coming, holidays going . . .

Hmm . holidays ending soon D:

A whole new learning lay ahead for me to step into. . A tiring one. .

It's hard to learn how to enjoy your studies. . I keep encouraging myself to Accept and Absorb.

I can do it !!!

Money matters can rest as for now. But i still feel not really secure. . Hmmm . . I keep telling myself, the purpose and objectives i am here now. .To study and not to find work and money ==

Study well now. Earn more later. No matter how hard. I must preserve !!!

Phew . .back didnt really attacked me cruelly these days. . touchwood*

Let's look forward of what i am going to become =)

And i shall visit this blog post again, reminiscing sweet bitter colorful . . wonderful memories of what i have went through . .

Sam's coming. .Hmmm. . One year plus eh? LOL

covet

Miss you, Hong Ling ...

It has been really long. . . i missed someone this much. Tears of joy . . Tears of yearning . . Yearning here, what i mean is just to be with her . . for a while...

She is someone . .

who is able to motivate me to go on. . to continue putting in effort..

who is able to make me smile and laugh all day long . .

who i can just keep complaining and complaining even the tiniest little thing without even feeling guilty and all . .

who gives out the summer feeling . . warmth ...

who is able to give out happiness radiantly. .

After knowing her, making people happy like how she makes me, is somehow my aim everyday ... ^^

You can just be happy when with her. .

I sound like I really like her alot.. LOL !!!

But she is , just Hong Ling, my best friend. She is my princess . . LOL

She is the closest to me, when we're in junior college..

We didn't know each for long. . Less than 3 years.. Time flies !!!

I missed her alot. Like Alot. I didnt know i will tear when i thought of her inside the train earlier. Really scared that i will tear in front of her... She would want to see me smile =)

But Hong Ling... After you left, a lot of things happen =(

I grow up alot in this period. See things different. Somehow, the positive feeling i used to liberate out, getting harder to. It was easier before . .

I depended too much on others to be happy... I missed the feeling where the radiant and cheerful feeling that i can felt them radiated inside me . . Very true to myself. Very real. Very pure.

Ah. . . I feel good when i always travel alone back to clementi..It is nice to have your good and bad memories played out and get reflected on them.

" Someone told me i should caution when it comes to love . . ."

"I did . . "

" I love you. .and that's all i really know. . "

It was really nice during your silent and peaceful walk home ^^

Singing away . . Searching for the moon . . Basically , a good rest besides sleeping .

A break from the outside where you can just be you . . =)

Or having a comfortable chat with someone while you enjoying the night. .

It's where you feel distance is not definable . . You feel close. .But you are far from me . But sometimes, you are just one inch from that person, you feel so much further away . .

I want to become a better person . . .

haiz...

Stirring up troubles and complains is not in my nature. . But you have struck onto my nerves and i am just doing my part ...

I dont want to lose 25% of my dip plus module just because of these thoughtless group members.

I tried contacting you all. .tried communicating... i didnt even complain getting most of the work... And yet you didn't even update me about the upcoming presentation on the friday of the mst week!!!!

I didnt even get a glimpse of the full report. And how am i supposed to prepare ???

The thing is... you all really didn't let me know !!! I have to get to know from the teacher.. and members from another group. And it was only like 5 minutes ago...

Don't abuse my kindness...

07062011

HAizz.... i can't sleep !!! My whole body like very itchy.. and i dont think i got eat any wrong thing...

But i am lying and resting now... didnt do much thing today...

It's freaking contradicting.. I am trying hard to find the reason why my emotion and feelings can all of the sudden go so down to the bottomless sea.. My tears can flow out so easily. . whenever my heart feel the signal and all... BUT who says you need a reason to cry ? Who says you need a reason to be happy?

Thanks for listening... Glad you were there to listen.. I really appreciate it... Thanks for your understanding..By the way, no one really knows about this...

I would still prefer liberating a positive energy, making ppl's day great and all ^^ And it has been long since i have been able to do all that .. I've been losing myself lately due to school's stress...financial's stress and all... let's find 'me" back ! XD

It was basically not one of my rule or anything...LOL

It is just that ...

When you be the one to wait for the one to go, For me, it feels rather comfortable or secure to wait him or her till she disappear from your sight... I seldom leave ppl...

At the same time, the one who waits. .gets to say " Please, don't leave me...."

At the same time, it is also one blissful feeling...to wait

I don't know how other ppl would feel to see someone leave. i don't know how you would feel to see me leave ... A good/ secure feeling ? or a being left behind feeling? or a blissful one?

I am thinking too much... XD

I should be thankful to have someone watching me go first ... ^^

i dun like it

faster recover =(

Good Song . . at the correct moment to lift your spirits UP!!

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
« You'll never reach it »

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a up-hill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down

But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on

I can do it !!!

Nearly stranded at kallang ==

It was really close just now ==

MY brother took us for dinner at Kallang. .And it was really an awesome one !

I asked huiwen to hold onto my bag while i went and carried my nephew.. She left it at the stroller !!!! The taxi was not able to take up all of us. My nephews are growing big =)

So , my sister and I decided to take MRT back to Clementi. When the taxi left, it was just too late that i realized my bag was not at my sister's hand =___=

Huiwen and i chased the taxi until i stopped to give a call to my brother... He told me it was too late as they were nearing highway..

What an experience.. What if i have left my phone inside my bag as well?

Geylang road man.... ==

In the end, we ended up inside Singapore's most ex taxi, " Crissler" I am not sure bout the spelling. . It was hard to get one that time. And a black classy taxi just stopped beside us... I was not paying attention while i am waving for one ==

$20.40 !!!! It should be less than $15!!! @.@

HOLIDAYS :D

Holidays !!! Finally !!!

It was tired to have so much inputs every week . . I learnt new things almost everyday.

It was tiring to be exposed to and accepting the unknowns for every week. But learning is fun =)

Stress is something that builds me. The accomplishments that comes with it definitely feels better !!!

Hmm . . should i offer to take care bb three times a week during my holidays? Haiz. .f my soft heart. Seeing them stressed and hot-tempered over small cute things that Boon Kai do. Better not. I am not coping well with my studies. Not confident enough T__T

Let's study well this holiday ^^

My back feels much much better. .I can never sit and walk so straight and comfortable before this. I thought it was normal . LOL . Guessed i have to thank them =) You guys helped alot, really . .

I don't want to stress over my financial difficulties. I'll take things one at the time. Good that i can cover my current semester's fees. . Glad that mum sounded to help out. Can't really let her know why that i can't manage when i should be able to. . and show her my account figures !!! LOL

I love you, mum ... I'll do a good job for your grand birthday dinner !

I dont like to make choices. But some choices MUST be made. AND I HAVE TO BE FIRM !!!!

You can do it, sw. You are stronger than this !!!

Sorry

My last sorry.

sucks . .

It sucks to the max that you have so many things to do and yet you are are not feeling well. . .

not well enough to do a thing. But you have to do it and you have to do a good job.

Thursday, presentation and jap. Lucky both are minor ones.

Please, may tonight be a good night ... =)