I miss you . . .

I miss the days where . . . .

i need no reasons to smile or laugh.

i can eat as much as i want without feeling the tiniest feel of guilt.

i can talk as loud as i want. As rough as i can.

i can be calmest of all. The coolest of all.

i can find a place to rest easily.

i need no blog to say just what i want to say.

Detach and move away.

FUCK

I thought that i could at least wait . . at least to make my 100th post a happy one. FUCK IT !

Things are just piling up . . .reports. . presentations. .
And it's INGRAINED . . I'm always being taken advantage of . . it'll always be. . be it PAST or present. FUCK !
I don't think that's my problem you know?
Then, what about me?
I've done so much . . . what shit do i get in return ?!

And when i try to say no. . to say it more then necessary . . I fail myself !
I feel so damn guilty inside. And I'm really pissed. . Pissed with myself for being SUCH A FOOL.
There's no reason for me to feel so uncomfortable. SO agitated.
Why about yourself?! What about your own feelings?
DO you really think that you are an ANGEL?? a BUDDHA ?? FUCK !

Just what is this? You want to use labtop, I DUN HAVE TO USE ?
I call you about the reports, YOU THINK I REALLY WANT TO CALL YOU?
I didn't say i'm free, YOU ASSUME I AM?
I didn't say okay at all . . YOU THINK I'M FINE !
and when i say okay, YOU THINK IT REALLY IS? FUCK !!


What can i do ? I'm so fake . . really disgusting. .

Why did the hell i go out proud and happy telling all my friends how grateful i am to have met you. GREAT. I take the shit up myself and even scrub myself with it.

And you! Don't keep asking me to go out, I'll kill when my limits are off. When i can't fake anymore. Please.

all i can do is scream here. I've lost it. My calmness. My gentleness .

See? I might up with 100 FUCKS . Instead of all the happy stuffs. And i gotta go DIE now for all the assignments.

FUCK YOU, really . . . . .

please come back :(