Please let me grow up faster. And see things in an adult way.

Bleeds . . .

Introducing myself with Huiwen's new Sony running walkman ~

Discovered a new way to bleed. . . and that you won't die from it.

SHOPPING !!!

Seeing every pieces of cash that i took out when i pay . . really makes me feel like bleeding. . Haha. . Even lose my appetite for dinner. For someone like my sister and I, we seldom buy stuff for ourselves. It's worse for me. I don't really like to reward myself with anything . Will only be guilty afterwards.

But don't know why. . I just feel like doing so lately. I feel so tired with everything. Got agitated easily. Sorry ya, KM . .I seldom use the F word. Will treat you something nice during CF ^^

So. . today. . I ate my fill and bought clothes . . shoes. . worth 70 plus dollars T_T

Wah . . Don't think i will be doing this again for long long . . Will post up the pics if i happen to wear them :D

I was doing what Shio told me. Change yourself. Just from head to toe. Be a different you. .

Let's see how different i can be. How far I can go. I don't need any reasons now. Reasons are not as important as i think them to be. I feel much better after that though.If you follow all the rules, you miss all the fun :D

Huiwen rewarded herself with something even more practical, i hope :D

A sony walkman specifically for runners. Kinda cool. It was around 120 bucks.

* can't you see a red pool below me? Those were all my blood T.T

Take care everyone. Will be having Japanese exam next week. It has been really some time since i score at least a paper. So, i'll die for it. All the way to go , SW !

I can.

I know i can

God, really. . . now i say please. .

God, why make one feel so?

lost the voice to shout for help

I am . . .

See? I am not. Cos i don't even look like it.

but I am

What I am

It was harder and harder to find someone to talk.

I don't even know what should i talk about. . . .
Will you really find a way out after that? Does it matter if you feel better after that?

Do i really don't look like how am i supposed to be?
My sister told me i'm really great at faking. . As in how i usually look to you guys? What do you usually feel when you're with me?

I'm a cheerful, happy-go-lucky, friendly, cute, very helpful . . . anything else?
That's what i had been hearing from everyone else. Try to probe in further. And detest me, please.

The fact that even I detest myself so much.

How do you know if i'm really " smiling" when i smile?
How do you know if i'm alright even though i said I am?
How do you know if every word that comes from my mouth are not lies ?

I don't even know if i'm lying to myself or anyone. It was hard. So hard to do anything . . at all.

And to be scarier, I don't even know if i mean what i'm saying here T___T

It is just that i am too sensitive for a person. I feel what other's feel easily. I care like a thousand times more for others rather than myself. Cos i'm happy doing so. I feel caring for others are caring for myself.

What is the feeling? I mean you would have the urge to put yourself first before others? My case is too extreme. Why isnt there anyone to teach me how? In that way, I won't have to depend on others to feel.

Sorry i'm writing all these rubbish. I just don't know how anymore. Or turning crazy soon although i don't seem to look like it XD

God, please help me.

So ??

Do you really have a BIG problem with THAT ??

I just want to be myself. T______T

Next life, i'll become an angel la. . . i won't become a person.

Things that i have learnt yesterday ::

It is neither right or wrong for the choices that you made.
I cannot measure trust. Even for my part.
Words that caome out from your mouth might be lies to yourself.

A lot of my friends are not virgin anymore =="


Let's ka yao everyone ~ ^^

Yummy ~

Ah. . .I had a really big feast just now. . . XD

It was a rather enjoyable one. It has been really long till i enjoyed so much ^^
I enjoyed eating the buffet dinner so much. It was nice. . .
The satay. . the sushi. . . the tomyum soup. . . the fish balls. . . the bbq chicken . . .the mixed berry ice cream . . . the varieties of cakes . . leong fun XD . . Wah. .

I ate too much till i vommited. What a sin to commit. ==
It was at least 10 times more than what i have eaten in my usual dinner. But no regrets.
Just that i have to do abit running tomorrow to burn off some fats. LOL

My counsellor called me today. It reminded me of how i had been in the past three months. It was over anyway :) All thanks to you ^^

Just to let you guys know that my life had been great ^^
Japanese is getting really challenging. At least i learnt how to write and read them now. Still abit hard to catch up with the unsubbed animes though. Studies is getting along well with me, i hope.
Other than that, everything is fine. Having exam in 3 weeks time. So yeah , let's ka yao ~

you never fail to impress me :)

These few days. . . i talked alot here. And i just feel like it. Or, did i talk too much?
Did i reveal to you too much? Did i say the right or wrong things?
Will i hurt someone without knowing it?
Sometimes all this. . . made me feel like not talking anymore. Not expressing anymore. Not saying anything anymore. Cos it just won't do.
The feeling will be the same. But if i don't talk here, i'll feel like drowning. I can't breathe well inside. Please don't be afraid to hurt me. I want to get hurt. Cos i'm scared of happiness.

I don't know what is this feeling. Just that when things get too real, you would really ask " am i dreaming ? " . Or " will i wake up from it? "

I miss my popo so much. So much so much. Till i really want to go with her. Just to go down and give her hug and say "Happy Mother's day". . I miss my mum. Hope she will forget the day i cried beside her. The day when i really thought that i don't want to be here anymore.

I miss you, ah po . . . Miss you so much :)

I can

Anh told me once that i'll lead a happy and simple life. Because i don't have preference for anything. Cos i don't make choices. They would be the one who make me to make one. Anything at all . . .I always manage to find a way to force myself to carve a path for myself.

I smile because you smile. And i can't help it. I'm happy when other does. I'll take it as a challenge for our relationship. At the same time, to prove to you everything is not as complicated as you think. One step at a time. As long as you did, even it's a baby step, you are not giving up yourself. One year is nothing to me. And i trust that you can too. As long as you don't give up, i'll always be here. If you don't catch up with me after the year, i'll be the one to come and find you.

You had become someone that i hold dearly to myself. So, i thank you now for not making any promises to me :)

I believe that one day, you can. The day where you believe in yourself enough to make those promises to me.

Take care everyone ~

let's do our best :)

My attraction

My sister told me i have an attraction for all these. That's why all these keep happening to me. I didn't know why and i can't help it myself.

It's easier this time. I swear.

Don't worry.

I'll be fine.

I just want to be myself. . . .

Will after expressing here makes you feel better?
I don't know but i don't "feel" today . . . As in i don't know what i feel today. .
Not my usual self today again after so much effort fighting them . .
It's easier to force myself to do stuff if you had some reasons for them . . .
But is good or bad in a way?

Just that really. . .I am tired.
Somehow, i really went thru HELL thoughout the past three months. . And when i weigh myself just now. I found that i lose 6 kg in three months. LOL
If death doesn't mean anything to you anymore. . . As if you would understand.
You would know what real tired means . . .

I hate that word.

But i felt better after having a singing session with huiwen just now. Just wanted so much to shout my lungs out today. Shout till all these tiredness are gone. Till i won't feel so tired to have smile so much these days :)

And now here

i say please . . .

Past, present, future . . .

You are someone who loves me by not making any promises with me for you fear you might break them in future.

I am someone who fear to listen to promises yet i want you to make those promises to me.

What is actually past, present and future ? When you are just living only one day off. . That day is actually your past,present and even future :)

So, live your past,present and future well ~
All the best, everyone ^^