It has been a year ~

One year ago :(
I wished i could have hugged you longer before i left.

My aunt was admitted to hospital today. Cos of mis-diagnosed of hypertension medicine. Her blood pressure plunges down all of sudden!! Sighs.. I fucking hate these kind of Malaysian doctors..
                                                   .........................................................

I dont know about my FYP. I have two supervisors. Both send me down different sets of instructions. One asked me to do this. The other asked me to do that. One of them, Mr Ho, is the one who will be giving me the  final fyp grade in the end. The other is my company supervisor, Patrick. I respect both alot cos they both helped me alot. But today when i went down to the company, when Patrick asked me how the fyp was doing, I dont even know how to answer him.. Because i am not doing the thing he intended us to do. Our objectives of the fyp almost changed completely. I was supposed to create a more biodegradable product for the company.
And to do certain corrosion testings to validate and enhancing the product.

But according to Mr Ho, i cannot do the biodegradability test at all !!! He told me is not feasible. Dont tell me this, man... Go and tell Patrick !!! And Really man.... Stupid graph !!! How the hell i obtain accurate readings from there?? When i can manipulate them myself !! =____=''
Stupid testings methods.. Patrick suggested other method and Mr Ho didnt approved it.

I just dont know how to face both sometimes. Being the leader seems not that easy sometimes. I dunno already la !!! :(

It doesnt look good when you talk bad behind ppl's back. Many ppl fail to see. If they could just stand abit further away from the situation or record back what the bad things they say about their colleagues. Will they be able to see how badly or ugly they look when they do? I dont know.. I dont like to even comment on ppl.   I dont like to hear too. Hear no evil !! I am just a part timer.. can earn money can liao :)

I missed you, daddy :(

Drunk or half mad....

I guessed I have just tried hard enough...
I must b drunk or half mad to say all these now

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Torturous day ~

Liking someone so much that i lose myself in the process... Losing myself almost completely... And from these period i learnt and i slowly regained myself back.. Thank you alot alot  :)

And i come to a debate today that if we get into a relationship without much understanding and getting to know about each other more. Will it be a good one? Likewise i am saying if i really allow shiming to get into my heart. He asked me to try with him. He is someone that able to make me happy so much at times.. And yet at certain  point of time , i asked... you fall for me when you dont know me well. You dont know me. And i know time is the essence to see if things going to make it between us. I asked for a month before answering to people that yes I am attached.

On the contrary, if we know each other too well and come to an understanding and to a point where we are much too comfortable with each other. It wont lead to a relationship where we could discover each other more. The spices were gone and sparks were gone before we even start a relationship. Will such relationship works? We felt weird being together because there is actually nothing much more to feel weird being with each other. We know each other too much. That is why we felt weird. What is different us as a couple and as friends? As in the things we do. I dont know how to answer my friend..And yes... That is why i dont believe close friends between different genders. Not if you dont have the slightest feelings for each other.

With all such thoughts flooding my head, it was a torturous day for me. I want to lost myself in a movie. Very much.  These are the times, when you can see if someone really can be there for you. But i seldom ask. When i ask, means i really need your time. Like today..At some point of time, i guessed i asked too much.. And i felt if your feelings were to come back, you have to double your effort to make me want something as bad again.

Because wanting something, causes me so much hurt in the process.. because of little rejections that i received from you. That you dont realized, make me so much tired to ask anymore. When something nice given to me, it makes me wonder if those were dreams and i would automatically reject them before accepting them. That is why i need alot of confirmations and i asked alot of times.. For you, it seems like a bad habit of mine. But you see, i have received much hurt to receive kindness from people.

I am so fucked up

Sorry

To: you

Sorry to do this again when you are not feeling well. I am really sorry. Sorry.

But i know that you know how to take care of yourself :)

Words cant seem to express much feelings. But yea..Your actions and feelings affect me too much. I don't like it. I wasnt always me in front of you and others. And I shouldn't feel this way as a friend. That's why i said xin ku. . My heart is filled up and so heavy. .

Plus, i dun like to be a burden when you're finding gf. It affects me too. So yea..

Take care always. After this, maybe just remember me as cd :)

I will be just fine this time. No worries.

Trust me.

Goodbye,

cd always :)

Peaceful day on my own :)

It has been long ever since i felt so peaceful today... Early in the morning tried hard to wake up. Promise myself to settle my stuff early to go home rest. Was not really feeling well. But not as the bad flus i've ever had. So still okay. My voice still there.. But tired and heavy body...

Hmmm...After eating breakfast, i go to sch to do my fyp after stopping by at t21 to take a look at the fishes and talk with Mr Yeo.. Pity him to stay whole day alone there. Talk-sky (liao-tian).. LOL !! I'm glad... :) The fishes inside the black tank are healthy.. I fed them and they ate :) I cleared the fish from the green tank :(

I did my fyp peacefully inside the lab.. Sweating like mad along my way to my lab from t21. Then air con so cold inside the lab. I cannot off it cos there're machines running inside the lab. So i quickly finish then rush home. I had lunch at fc5 and finally satisfied my craving for KFC. I always wanted to try their Meltz. Haha !! It was nice !! Small portion though D:

ON my way back, i topped off my fulfillment with traditional ice cream cone !! :D

Lucky it didnt affect my sick condition as much as i imagined ><

Watched some movie and took a 2 hours nap !! Shiok !! :)

Didnt do much today. Should have started my mum's bday card. 220 cards in total... Can die already T.T

I am pointless of what i shud do. I don't know if i can bear any of the sequences resulted from either of the decisions that i am going to make. I stood at the one spot and thought hard that day. And i still cannot come out of it. In the end, i emptied out my feelings instead :( And my heart just torn itself up. Tears flow. I can never say much about it anymore.

Sleeping alone tonite !! Cough cough* D;

Good night !