Another time.

The thing is you do not even apologize !!! Either you wait for me to blast or you just stay ignorant.

You always push the real thing to something else. You did not even address the main prob or the issue !!

Really hard to talk with you..Up till now, I still haven't forgive you over that incident..Cos that is not the first time.. You want ppl to respect you, you have to respect ppl first..You have misused the trust i have for you.

Away from home for 5 years...

Hmmm..time flies..I never know that i would have the opportunity to climb the hill i used to with my dad..My last climb was 7 years ago..The route has changed..But still I love it so much !! The greens !! My stamina is still there :D
The journey is short but great. I climbed and i missed the mountain view..It has been a quiet cny...Watched two movies with my cousins!! The Great Magician and the Journey To the Mysterious Island.. The Great Magician is a good-laugh movie. I like it..Go watch and have a good laugh yourself! :)

I love the night view. So many stars !!! The fireworks is so beautiful!! A big flaming flower in the sky !! All this really took my breath away.

I thought i will stop blogging but somehow, i reliased when time passed, only words remain to contain the memories.. You can jot down every details and feelings you felt. Human heart is not perfect anyway..My Blog keeps memories that i dowan them to fade :)

I have been away from home for 5 years now.. My mother used to tell me this is my training ground. I agree and understand now. You keep thinking your parents nagging and messing up your life when you are little. But after you grow up, when you really understand that they mean you good.. They trained you to be who you are today..I would say my parents are both good trainers !! :D

I packed my room..I found my diaries.. my old stuff..my Pokemon sticker book...lol...Not enough time to pack the whole house T.T

I found some money inside my dad's room. It was as if he is still here to give my sister and i angpau's money...Hmmm...

I treasure the time spent with my mother everytime i come back.. She is really getting old :(
My heart pain to see her getting old from day to day..I heard about her eye sight and diabetes..All getting worst.. You cannot stop the degeneration of her eyes..She might lose her eye sight one day.. That's why treasure and appreciate every moments you spend with your family members and friends. You never know what will happen..After i further my studies in Sg, I didnt get to talk much with my dad before he cannot speak anymore .. I never spend much time with my grandmother until she lose her eye sight :(

All the same, these are things beyond your control.. I try my best not to let my mum worry about me. I am grateful that she is still fit to work and do the things she likes to do here at Ipoh..I salute her for her motivations.. I love her cookings and i apprieate it....All her hardwork.. Nothing can compare to your mum's cooking. I just dun like to see her tire herself up whenever she cooks. The dishes she cook all took 10 hours or so. I helped her cook this time. And i hope to learn her recipes when i have more time in my next return.

As for myself, each time i come back, i gave myself a break from all the things in Singapore...I should have avoided all these happening...to myself..Too dependent. Too close. Too comfortable..Too careless!! But again, i cannot control it..The harder i try, it gets worse...I wonder how long it will take me to take him as my friend. Things just get worse when this implicates with my studies and life-happenings. I cannot cope..It was crazy..handling all these with so negative thoughts..It was just like that time.I don't know what to do. To make things right again. He is really a good friend.

So, this time..i will really take the time inside my cave to think.. So that i don't have to come back in again..Meanwile, I will make myself rest and have fun working and studying !! Think lesser to achieve more !

Things that i will miss most in Ipoh with be the stary nights and the comfort i got from my mother's hug... :)

I am gonna be okay !

Sad...Stressed SW :(

"You know why i know you are Shanwen ? "

One of my classmates told me this today while i was queuing buying food for my friends at fc3 during the lesson break..

" Because you looked always-stress."

It was hurt to be told something like that. Like i don't realise it :(. That I am stressed or sad all the time. I would say i have none better to do except sad or stressed.. It appears to be like that..It is getting to be like that.

It feels as if i don't know how to become happy anymore :(

It has been awhile already since i feel happy. I longed for it. I longed for the heaviness in my heart to be gone. I longed for the day i can smile and laugh from my heart. How the fuck that can be done? I yearned and longed.

This blog is my only personal space i have. I don't know how to answer others when they comfort me. Becoz i don't want to make them feel bad/troubled of not knowing how to make me feel better. And because when i am not feeling any better, my expressions betrayed me. And I am tired of caring wht my answers might make them feel. Or that how they would think of me.

At this point of time, it would be great to feel that it is okay to cry. It will be good to have someone to tell me it's really okay. It will be great to cry and just cry till i won't cry again.. Till i sad until i sian !

Miss you, SW ! Please be back ! :(

I have tons of things that make me sad.Too little things that can myself happy.

That breath-taking sky piece view ~

~ That breath-taking sky piece view ~

What can be the best Substitute

and Reward

for one-self?

If not the best piece of the night?

The Myriad Stars & Moon all too mesmering

Fit-sitting on the clear cool sky?

~ SW

That sky piece that spreads too wide across ,

It took all my sorrows and heaviness experienced in my heart lately...

It took all my doubts in my mind and heart ...

I feel like i dowan to move a step away from it... D:

It feels like all my troubles gone...lol

I always pray hard under the moon... :)

Things will get tougher soon ! I am weak now but i am going to get back STRONG ! Complain lesser ! Have limits and rest alot more ! Think and worry much lesser ! Have more patience and control in my emotions !

I really hope that i could balance up well my studies and my up-coming job..

covet

day 100th without a father ... I will make you feel proud of me !

I dun have the luxury of not working :(
I dun have the luxury of not moving on :(

A tired day..mentally and physically..

RIP :(

:(

Two relatives all waiting for their time of death...One of them is cancer of the lungs..wtf..Went to visit one of my relatives in the hospital....I dun like it..Really...She was put in coma condition because doc doesnt want her to suffer/feel the pain :( Same as my dad...
Doc told us that she only has time till tonight or the next day..Blood poisoning...

I dun like it...Life is fucking fragile..just becoz of not taken care properly.. :(

I dont know wht to say.
but i will remember you :(

i forgot to bring back my medicines for my stomach! :(
Broke my mother's heart again..
Hate myself for this...my carelessness and forgetfulness :(