How would i know that i would straightly be employed for my first job interview? Working as a part time waitress from 5 pm till 10pm. . . One hour six bucks. . Haiz. . It would seem funny. Why do i go for the interview in the first place when i don't have the mood to work? I would really prefer it to be morning or afternoon. I just want to ward off my mind during the day time. And to start work next week? I'm just making things worse. Dammit. And if i am to turn it down, how things would go after this?



I know i'll be rejected by the local universities. To go poly and waste three years? There are posibilities that i will be accepted into the polytechnics. Then go thru another three years to get my degree? I won't get into the course i want with my current results. Business? Psychology? Hotel management? HOW???? Really dying out. . . . . . . . .How would i know that i'm this useless? Sorry, bro. . . How would i know i would get such results when i can get only As and Bs back in Msia?

It's really turning me off to study. No matter how hard i try, no matter how much effort i put in, it never seems enough. My results showed that i'm not hardworking at all. And it seems i played througout these two years. Singapore is turning me off. And I don't feel like living and depending on my brother here anymore. Is it becoz that i am growing up? Can i say i want to go back to Msia to study? Let me feel like a person again, will you?

And here i am making all these excuses when others are so much more unfortunate than me, trying to cope with living, i am crying here that i am still living. Haiz. . .

It pains me so much to agree with you. The reality is so harsh that i have to agree that pain and hurt is things that will come by if we continue any longer. I'm in Singapore and you're in Msia. Meet three times a year? When things is different, i have to face. And admit. I miss you so much that it pains. I feel really lonely sometimes. You're not having it any better than me too, right?
You should be handling this better than me though.

God, if you give this life to me, make it that i will repay all my sins in the past, so that i would have a better next life. Or make someone else's life better.