I'm losing my mind. . .

" Do you still mad at me? "
" i don't know "

That was my first nightmare when you requested a three month break back in September. You didn't answer yes or no. But rather you said you're not sure. I was so scared. Really scared when you're not sure. Cos i was so scared so scared that you don't really care anymore. I was so afraid that i might lose you that time. Did i ever tell you?I was only hoping hard that the three months will pass quickly.
That's the ony thing i can do that time besides concentrating on A levels.

I already did. I've lost you this time. I don't know how to handle. Cos in the first place, i don't even have the slighest idea that i should be prepared for this.

How dare you wished that we broke up? And you say that i will be able to handle and will soon be better in a year or two? You think i will be better? You think this is what good for me? You think that she is not good for me? Is that not what i should be judging?

Do you know how hard is it to breathe? Do you know how hard is it to stay living? When i can just act ignorant and gobble down some medicine just to make me sleep forever? I have most of the time at home, alone. When huiwen is out.

Just what is this god? What have i've done to make you so angry? It pains me to death. Don't think that i will get better when i don't want in the first place. So, don't think that you have done good deed by asking me to let go. Now that i have done it, i'll make it sure that it has become your sin. Your sin to have made my life REALLY RUINED now.