Torturous day ~

Liking someone so much that i lose myself in the process... Losing myself almost completely... And from these period i learnt and i slowly regained myself back.. Thank you alot alot  :)

And i come to a debate today that if we get into a relationship without much understanding and getting to know about each other more. Will it be a good one? Likewise i am saying if i really allow shiming to get into my heart. He asked me to try with him. He is someone that able to make me happy so much at times.. And yet at certain  point of time , i asked... you fall for me when you dont know me well. You dont know me. And i know time is the essence to see if things going to make it between us. I asked for a month before answering to people that yes I am attached.

On the contrary, if we know each other too well and come to an understanding and to a point where we are much too comfortable with each other. It wont lead to a relationship where we could discover each other more. The spices were gone and sparks were gone before we even start a relationship. Will such relationship works? We felt weird being together because there is actually nothing much more to feel weird being with each other. We know each other too much. That is why we felt weird. What is different us as a couple and as friends? As in the things we do. I dont know how to answer my friend..And yes... That is why i dont believe close friends between different genders. Not if you dont have the slightest feelings for each other.

With all such thoughts flooding my head, it was a torturous day for me. I want to lost myself in a movie. Very much.  These are the times, when you can see if someone really can be there for you. But i seldom ask. When i ask, means i really need your time. Like today..At some point of time, i guessed i asked too much.. And i felt if your feelings were to come back, you have to double your effort to make me want something as bad again.

Because wanting something, causes me so much hurt in the process.. because of little rejections that i received from you. That you dont realized, make me so much tired to ask anymore. When something nice given to me, it makes me wonder if those were dreams and i would automatically reject them before accepting them. That is why i need alot of confirmations and i asked alot of times.. For you, it seems like a bad habit of mine. But you see, i have received much hurt to receive kindness from people.

I am so fucked up