God

I just woke up like an hour ago. After meeting up w him last night.

I must have had fever last night. I remembered feeling really cold. And i have been dreaming for some time. Weird dream but you weren't in it. But parts of the dream reminded me of you - lucheon meat and hotdogs. I have actually stopped eating hotdogs or luncheon meat... These are the two things that reminded me the most of you. These are things that I'd love eating w you every weekend but at the same time hoping that you will eat them lesser each day to avoid processed food..

I hate watching the dusk. From the day time becoming night. I hated it cos it was somehow lonely. And empty. I am still scared of the dark. I hate watching the rain alone. Cos it feels too sad to watch the rain alone. But I love the smell of the rain and the freshness it brings after that. The rain makes my hair smells nicer. All these two are happening now. And I don't want to cry. My eyes are painful. I am very empty and scared now. The sky is getting dark.

Why? Why did it turn out to be this way, God? Why is it that I could not return his love? I would very much loved to love him back. Love him harder and harder each day. But why god? He's my pillar of support in everything. Yet why? Why do i not feel secure?

Your back must be damn painful last night. You must be damn painful last night.

If its going to be this painful, Make sure it will be smtg good for the both of us in the end.

Help.

Help.

Help.
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Help.
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Help.