father admitted to hospital...

I just don't want him to suffer anymore...I know and am aware of the sins he committed. .But has not all the suffering he has been enduring paid off some? It hurts...so much to think about it. I am an optimistic person...or rather i choose not to say negative things.. I feel somehow positive will attract positive things...

My father is a strong person. Used to be.

He admitted to hospital once. We thought we would be losing him that time. He survived the hell. Dialysis infections...That time was stomach.. Ended up he need to shift from peritoneal dialysis to haemodialysis around 6 years ago..

The effect of the infections this time will be more deadly because it might directly travel up to your brain. This time, it was his lungs..

It hurts...I didnt spend much time with him.. Not enough, i would say. It was silly of me to still grab hold of the past. To still have vengeance on what he has done. I chose to forgot most of them. Because i want my life..not his shadow over mine's.. He has changed so much ever since! He gave me money thru mum this time. Said it was for my back. He didn't complain much already...He praises rather than scolds now...

I forgive you, dad. For everything that you have done.

Will you forgive me for all things that i have done and things that i should have done?

I wonder how can someone attach to something so detached... and while in the opp , to detach from something so attached? Can someone really do that? Maybe...

It hurts but i have to stay strong because i am already a grown-up.

Accept it and do what your heart tells you to.. Be brave and bold enough..I will not make myself regret anymore. Spend more time with your family..Anything can happen at anytime. So, you forgive. You forgive your family members, your friends and even yourself.

It hurts...just how the fuck i am going out with hong ling later on... :(

it just hurts