My alone time and day ~

My throat hurts even when I am not talking. I guess I will b losing my voice soon.. Headache comes accompanied with my eye's poor health. I overdid it =(

During these days I missed dad's medi prescription. I don't even have to go see a doc. Lol all the way to go, dad! :)

I will settle my student pass and my burning computer today. Days passed. Yet no news from NTU and NUS. So be it, Sit. I will clear my poly loans before applying for another loan for my uni studies. Around 10K... I don't want to depend on my uncle too much. He is good enuf to offer me his money as the last resort when I couldnt get a loan. I am lucky. Really lucky to get to continue my studies and have my family to support me during my ups and downs :)

I will try to work lesser. So that I can work harder for my studies. I missed studying very hard. I have loved study. I missed myself being able to study so hard till I got myself well known for it. Lol

Jiayou Sw! :)

4 April 2013 ~

Time flies... My poly year three passed just like a lightning bolt.. With all those rushing assignments and quizzes and fyp and work... It was all so cloudy to me as time passed so fast. It was a good one :)
I will miss my poly life :)

- the big space that used to be at t17 where i always look up to see the sky
- the green paths
- the shortcuts i take between my work and my lessons
- the yummie food

My year one and two was worst where i could hardly catch my breath. Year two was the hardest. In fact, I enjoyed most my year one and year three :) Thats when i learnt how to take things at a slower pace or so.

Lets see how things will go for me after this :)

 After the China trip, i did felt myself different when it comes to making decisions. I realized that life is how you see it. You are the one who is responsible to either make your life interesting or dull. Adventurous or mundane!! And i am always grateful to all the stuff that colors my life. Grateful to things that i have and have not :)  You walk your own path. No one can actually walk your path for you. Unless they chose to walk their own path along with you :)

My mum didnt say much about my studies after this. My first bro did discuss about our future and sch fees with us. No news from second bro :(

I am becoming more adult than i have ever thought myself to be ready.

Dont know if i would be using this in future or not :)

User can boot into Windows but not Mac

To backup from Mac
Go to Computer >> Select E:/ (Mac de) >> Users >> ( User de name) >> You'll see the files

To reformat Mac side using the partition inside
1. Have to connect to Internet
2. Restart press option
3. Go to Recovery Hd
4. Follow instruction (click agree or so)
5. Go to Disk Utility>> Select Macintosh (Journaled) >> Erase
All DATA will be gone  

6. At the Disk Utility Screen again, Select Reformat Disk >> Select Macintosh
7. After finish reformating.
8. Boot into Mac and Windows. See can or not
8. Update Mac OS
9. Have to download iTunes / iGarage or any other that missing from Apple.
10. Configure.
 

Coming to an end ~

My last lap finally.. This is my second time applying to universities... And i dont have good feelings with either of the results that might turn out to be. I will apply all and see how :)  I am eager to learn about my turning point in life. Life is going to be much tough for me if i am able to get in. I am no smart girl. I wont be able to take stress too. Alot of ppl told me about this. And i hate to hear it very much. My emotions and feelings easily readable from my actions and facial expressions.

A friend of mine told me from his life experience that i should learn how to fake a little in front of people. Do not share the problem with the same circle or group of friends. Share it with another group of friends so that you wont get affected much even if trust was neglected. Assumptions being made too much. I cared too much. I acted too real and helpful. People will take me for granted.." You do not know how to protect yourself at all... "

I do not like what he said at all. He lost trust in people. Although it seemed that he has his point. But i didnt want to lose trust in people and my friends. It was hurtful, yes and they didnt even know about it. I have learnt that certain things really just dont breakeven.

My previous weeks was really torturing.. Sucked up all my mental and physical energy. I broke down easily with any slightest provocation. When the term starts, everything comes in a rush. The first week of school was rather depressing already from the backstab incident. Top it off with fyp report, assignments from each of the modules... online quizes, lab tests.. and at the same time, i have to make decisions on two job offers.. Have to weigh alot of things. Not only that, I continued to work. I worked for more than 10 hours at times. A day, I worked like a full timer. I worked for 8 hours. Plus going for classes and lectures on the same day. All these... hmmmm... i wont say much. These are the choices i made :)

I have just ended three tests last week.. And Phew.. I finally able to breathe better just yesterday after my fyp presentation :)

That was the best presentation that i have given so far. Or mayb that the panel of tired lecturers made me felt calm. I wasnt nervous at all for the first time standing in front. I was feeling bad for them for sitting in for all presentations for the whole day. I wasnt given a leading position for quite some time. It was a rather good feeling and i am happy to work with them. My fyp was smooth sailing. I am very lucky comparing with other groups.. Like my mum said, the process is always hard.. Till you're out from your training ground :)

I was much stronger in the past. And learning this. Not to say that i am weak now. But I am going to be much much stronger. I will learn to be as independent as before.

Only a few more weeks left. Only a few papers left to mark the end of my poly life. I am going to miss them so much. So much :)

Coming to an end ~

A soul's Cravings

I dont like the state i am in very much :(

Happiness has always been my base emotion. My concrete one. And that i need that source of energy very much. Happiness grows from within. I cannot expect or depend on anyone else to give me this. This is something i must pulled myself up from. When i emo, i will distant myself from ppl. Limit communications. So that they dont feel it. And that makes things easier for me to save up all the hard explanations cos i dont even know how to explain and how i am going do it.

But then. This is what i came across in a book. In life, you need ten kinds of Love Vitamins.

1. Vitamin G1 - Love and Support from God
2. Vitamin P1 - Love and Support from our parents.
3. Vitamin F - Love and Support from family, friends and having fun.
4. Vitamin P2 - Love and Support from peers and others like us with similar goals.
5. Vitamin S - Love and Support from ourselves.
6. Vitamin R - Love and Support from intimate relationships, partnerships and romance.
7. Vitamin D - Love and Support from someone who is dependent on us.
8. Vitamin C - Love and Support to our communities.
9. Vitamin W - Love and Support back to the world.
10. Vitamin G2 - Serving God.

A rich and fully satisfying life will be fulled by each of these ten kinds of love and support. When you are dissatisfied in life ( no inner success) or you not getting what you want ( no outer success), the base reason is that you not getting what you need. In many cases, your heart might be open, but you are looking at the wrong direction. At other times, you might be looking at the correct direction, but your heart is closed. You cannot absorb the love your soul needs.                                

-  How to Get What you Want  and WAnt what you Have by John Gray

From there, i realized i tried too hard and too dependent on ppl to bring out the happiness in me. And that i made things worst when i started to blame and have expectations when they cannot make me so. That is the worst. I pushed ppl away during these times. Cos it's their kindness and care thought.  Haiz. 

That is why i always said. YOur body has three kind of tired. Body. Mind. Soul. As for me, I think I am tired in and out for my Soul. Otherwise, i find it still ok.

So what is really my soul craving?  :( 

I will make effort to pull myself out !!!! I am tough!! And for this, I must learn!! I will go fix my hair if the color remains too bright even after one week of washing my hair T.T 

I dont really like my hair as before :(  

:(

Finally some peaceful time alone at home. Hmmm

I have lost myself again. I dont like this feeling alot. Not sad. Not happy. Not angry. I dont know what is this feeling. After the backstab incident. They even spread it to lecturers about "what i have done" !! :(

I was very stun when i was first heard of it fom Mr Ho. And i just apologize since i figured that was the best thing to do. I didnt really know what happen and what have i really done to be said till like that. I was rather sad and surprised since i have been always good to the class. And I am very happy that we are all so bonded and it is a fun class. I mean it. It is really FUN to be inside my class. And they are all good people. They always take care of me. :)


I seriously still dont know what i have really done. But with all means. If i really did it, if i really unintentionally stated names or so, I really meant my apology!!! Cos talking behind and talk bad about ppl are very bad things to do!! :(

But when things turned out to be like this. I was really sad because this thing happened to me just before i graduate !!! :(  What's worst? The worst is i trusted Geradine when i vented out all my frustration and all. She lied. Till i don't dare to ask so much form her. So that she wouldn't have to lie so much to cover up. I don't know anymore. I don't even trust myself and people now. My karma. Seriously for hurting and taking people's trust for granted. Especially for someone who has laid so much trust on me. I am really sorry. I didn't know. I am really very sorry. I really mean it :(

Why did i lie in the past? If you ask me now. It all comes naturally. Lies. Fucking lies from me. I feel disgusted at myself when i typed this all out. No more fucking lies. No more cover-ups from me. Because i trust ppl not wanting to be lied too. I hate LIES a lot now. I was shocked when i went back to Ipoh. I found out we are just so much used to lying. And that is really bad. My mum, my brother, my relatives. All lied to one another.I was so sad by it. and I was so disappointed in myself :(

 I dont dare to go near to people that care much about me. I know it is wrong to push away their kind concerns. But i felt as if i do not deserve any good point of any form of comforts at all. I cannot find any good points from myself. Being good is bad. At least that is what i am feeling now.

I am quite affected by all these even these seem to be a very small issue. Cos it links up to other things and how i bring myself with people. I am confused and i don't know already. Being too good seems like a wrong thing to do. But that is me. I am just being myself at whatever. I am a very direct and i will not fake any emotions in front of people. I speak what is inside my mind.

I will learn hard from this. Hard lessons. BUt worth if it could change me for the better. Until i find myself and i really need time to cool things down too. Till i could be normal and found my way back to people. Till i can open up again. I will just reserve and hold myself back.  I should cry lesser and complain lesser too. Cos we are all in this together. What makes other ppl can do it and not me?

I have to learn and grow up. Seriously, grow up and think like an adult, sw.

Things really tough. Tough times. Tough decisions need to be made soon too. Should i take up the job? It was kinda good offer to me since i prefer to deal with people rather than machines and lab.  And somehow, it is related to my course of study. Since i don't really like all the courses in uni. And that i have not much preference also. Why wouldn't i just take up the job offer and do my Adv Dip and get a Master in my own course? And proceed form there onwards. No one will know what will happen in future. Maybe after that i could really learn and grow up in the harsh society?

Or enroll in any courses applicable to me to get a degree. And see how later. And what I really wan to do in future? I wanted to teach. But not primary or secondary schools.

Since i have told someone that i won't emo today. I don't want to spoil today either. And I didn't lie. I am alright  :)

Let's go machine-mode and do my fyp report. And since it's all going to end soon. I will enjoy every single bit of it :)

heY sAraH SarAh ~

When I was just a little girl;

I asked my mother

" What would I be?;

Would I be pretty? Would I rich?"

And this is what she said; 

" Hey Sarah Sarah; 

Whatever will be, will be.

The future is not for us to see."  

Hey Sarah Sarah.  

I want to eat ice cream in a cone !!!!!! D;