After the past few days..

I just read his blog...and the pain haunts...

I do not understand why someone can affect me so deeply. I can cry and laugh in a matter in a matter of seconds. All these while you have been like this, i keep all these words in myself so that i could at least try not to bring you down. Either when you have asked me always if i am being happy with you. You didn't even want to read my blog cos you said you scare it might affect you. 

It's not about being a good or bad bf. Its about being the right. This answer will always be left unsure.. and time will prove it to me. If i say you're good, then i wouldn't be keep on complaining to you. Like you said, maybe some ppl cannot handle the truth.

 When you said this, it struck me deep down too. It's like you didn't admit that you are in the wrong in not letting me know beforehand. Not letting me know is much worst. Really much worst when my institution is right. I know it's nothing. But it means something to me. You mean something to me. That's why i care. Can you understand?

I asked for your forgiveness for my past actions. But as for this, u just didn't. A word of sorry didn't matter much once things have happened.

For the past few days, I have been emotionless. I have been thinking cos i do not want to pressure you. You seems to always be in pressure when being with me. That was always the only thing you say about when being with me. You won't tell me that you're happy or so... That's what i have been thinking. Up till now, I am still so afraid of getting back together with you.

It hurts.. It hurts when you are not even able to give me an answer if you have faith or don't have faith in us.

I do not understand why. Why is it just so hard lately for the both of us.

I erased the tweet in the morning hoping that you wouldn't see. But in the end, you did. I really do not want to pressure you further. It hurts when you deemed all these as pressure. And like you say, its the truth. Can you give me a sweeter truth than this hurtful one? Is there any?? It hurts..I appreciate the effort you make and I am very grateful about it...Then why is it that you are not able to answer me?

It's not that i do not understand that you couldn't sleep and have insomnia. It's just i would rather you not to keep your brain cell active over the com or phone. Cos I would like you to rest and recover. Since you didn't sleep for days...

As my friend dropped me off at Orchard, I was a little drench from the rain. It was only 1pm. I knew you were working. I only app you ard 2pm for you didnt app me. I waited you for around two hours. Inside Cold Storage. That's how i get my cough. I gave up waiting when my body started to feel heavy and giddy.

I would want to accompany you to go and collect the hot spring water for ur mum. At least someone to keep you accompanied. Someone for you to hold on to when you need. Although sometimes i know... my accompany is not needed...