Abyss

I have never ever thought i would tasted it again ... That depth of sadness.

It was once i have had nearly five years ago now.. It was so bitter. So tasteless. Emotionless.

But it was so comfortable that way. Its so hard to pull yourself out of it. You forgot how to feel. But you can cry so easily. You didn't care about the place, location, people. And you just selfish-ly just engrossed yourself into that sea of sadness.. without thinking for yourself, your friends, him..that was there to watch all of this.

Shameful act of mine. I even lost the ability to speak.

With this very morning you wake up, you tell yourself NEVER TO TAKE A STEP CLOSER to that abyss EVER AGAIN.

Never.

Sleeep yoga

Find your comfortable position on your bed (hugging ur pillow or so) 

Close your eyes

Learn how to feel your full body weight on your bed. 

Your eyes weight, your arms', shoulders', back, legs...

Concentrate on your breathing.

Breathe in.. breathe out..

Breathe in...Breathe out.

Your mind is blank now. Just pure darkness. 

If its still hard to sleep, DO NOT THINK but 

Keep replaying a happy memory in your head.

Try :) 

He

How he looks when he is in his homey clothes
that leave him with a fitter figure ; 

How he looks at himself when he is shaving ;

How he looks when he is peacefully sleeping ;  

How he wrapped himself with the green towel 
when he is out from the bathroom ; 

How he used to shake his legs unknowing
 when he is sleeping ; 

How he shake his hips when he is being funny ;

How he smirks when he is very confident ; 

How he looks when he is in pain ;

How his eyes curved into a semi-circle when 
he smiled or laughed ;

How his expressions show when he is stressed up ;

How his voice echoed in her mind; 

How his touch froze her skin ; 

How his sudden kisses skipped her little heart's beat ;

All send her feeling butterflies. 

While the girl relentlessly fought hard not to feel

this girl fails so much 

and started smiling unknowingly
in a cafe

With her eyes wet.

 

How long

It was nice meeting you yesterday.

When you're out,  Let's come here and eat !! :)

:(

I am so so tired for everything lately....  :(

Guide me, dad .. I didn't mean it but it's too tough for me.

I know this would be something you wouldn't want to see... Sorry, daddy.

Just tonight. Every single of me is breaking apart. Its so worst that i just wanted myself to disappear into thin air.

Be strong

In the end.. I guess it's my fault. Probably..

 That I cannot really accept you as who you are. Till now.

In the end, whatever I say or do. Will end up pressure you again. Cos whatever it is.

It is just not you. You are just who you are. And I am just who I am.

From the very very beginning of time...I dreamt too much of you.
And dreams are only dreams.

It took me this long to see. If things are meant to be.. you don't even have to work so hard. So why push? or pull?

Take care always. I'm sorry.

Let me go.