When you have loved that person so much and at the same time, hurt that person so much.

I have lost the right to say anything at all. I know i didn't stay but would u stay if you have lost feelings for the other till ur heart almost shifted and it stunned me out? You started to blame me and going thru the hurting process.. and in the process, you are hurting me too. You didn't even know what do you want. What I worried most did surfaced.. We have too much bad bloods. Sorry to have hurted you so much. You didn't give me much happy memories to forget the unhappy ones. You have had your own thinking of treating that person perfectly. That wasn't the perfect I wanted. That perfect seldom carve a smile on my face much.

 As usual, I am always not a priority. Thats what this short few weeks of interactions with you have thought me. Or is it unfair to measure or judge with just via these few weeks of madness.

You know ,today i walked to dover and even walked the bv path. I felt what u felt. I told myself if nothing is happening after i finished walking this walk, so be it. Then we walk separate ways.

Ive asked and asked again. I even imagined myself hugging u - didnt let u go. I am even in my proper attire now wanting to go over. But then will it work? We have too much bad bloods and bad memories to erase. Ive had alot. Alot. You made me waited for you for 3 years. In the process, you have hurted me so so much.. without u realizing. I couldn't feel your love for me. I don't know how u express to that person or show her. I just do not know.

It felt nice how each time when u turned back. You hugged me before u go. I can feel u turning back for me. I was like finally. Why only now? Can u remain this way?

Isn't it going to be the same all the way again.

i will just take the mrt ride. I have no rights since you are still hurting. i shoulnt mess up your process of letting go or hurting. I will not. go away.