Please let me grow up faster. And see things in an adult way.

Bleeds . . .

Introducing myself with Huiwen's new Sony running walkman ~

Discovered a new way to bleed. . . and that you won't die from it.

SHOPPING !!!

Seeing every pieces of cash that i took out when i pay . . really makes me feel like bleeding. . Haha. . Even lose my appetite for dinner. For someone like my sister and I, we seldom buy stuff for ourselves. It's worse for me. I don't really like to reward myself with anything . Will only be guilty afterwards.

But don't know why. . I just feel like doing so lately. I feel so tired with everything. Got agitated easily. Sorry ya, KM . .I seldom use the F word. Will treat you something nice during CF ^^

So. . today. . I ate my fill and bought clothes . . shoes. . worth 70 plus dollars T_T

Wah . . Don't think i will be doing this again for long long . . Will post up the pics if i happen to wear them :D

I was doing what Shio told me. Change yourself. Just from head to toe. Be a different you. .

Let's see how different i can be. How far I can go. I don't need any reasons now. Reasons are not as important as i think them to be. I feel much better after that though.If you follow all the rules, you miss all the fun :D

Huiwen rewarded herself with something even more practical, i hope :D

A sony walkman specifically for runners. Kinda cool. It was around 120 bucks.

* can't you see a red pool below me? Those were all my blood T.T

Take care everyone. Will be having Japanese exam next week. It has been really some time since i score at least a paper. So, i'll die for it. All the way to go , SW !

I can.

I know i can

God, really. . . now i say please. .

God, why make one feel so?

lost the voice to shout for help

I am . . .

See? I am not. Cos i don't even look like it.

but I am

What I am

It was harder and harder to find someone to talk.

I don't even know what should i talk about. . . .
Will you really find a way out after that? Does it matter if you feel better after that?

Do i really don't look like how am i supposed to be?
My sister told me i'm really great at faking. . As in how i usually look to you guys? What do you usually feel when you're with me?

I'm a cheerful, happy-go-lucky, friendly, cute, very helpful . . . anything else?
That's what i had been hearing from everyone else. Try to probe in further. And detest me, please.

The fact that even I detest myself so much.

How do you know if i'm really " smiling" when i smile?
How do you know if i'm alright even though i said I am?
How do you know if every word that comes from my mouth are not lies ?

I don't even know if i'm lying to myself or anyone. It was hard. So hard to do anything . . at all.

And to be scarier, I don't even know if i mean what i'm saying here T___T

It is just that i am too sensitive for a person. I feel what other's feel easily. I care like a thousand times more for others rather than myself. Cos i'm happy doing so. I feel caring for others are caring for myself.

What is the feeling? I mean you would have the urge to put yourself first before others? My case is too extreme. Why isnt there anyone to teach me how? In that way, I won't have to depend on others to feel.

Sorry i'm writing all these rubbish. I just don't know how anymore. Or turning crazy soon although i don't seem to look like it XD

God, please help me.

So ??

Do you really have a BIG problem with THAT ??

I just want to be myself. T______T

Next life, i'll become an angel la. . . i won't become a person.

Things that i have learnt yesterday ::

It is neither right or wrong for the choices that you made.
I cannot measure trust. Even for my part.
Words that caome out from your mouth might be lies to yourself.

A lot of my friends are not virgin anymore =="


Let's ka yao everyone ~ ^^