Don't read. Please.
Am i given the privilege to say I'm tired?I'm in pain? Can i blame?
I'm . . just don't know anymore.
I know it's still far to go. Actually not that far. . It's just 60 days more. I'm just a coward. I'm not as strong as you. You didn't went around shouting for help. I did. Too much of a pain that can't be contained. Is that so? I'm just useless. Worthless.
Pain
Stress building up these few days. Things seems tougher than they always have been. My relatives are coming down this weekend. But why now? I miss you guys alot. But not now. I can't. Just spare me.
I don't know what happen to me today. And I know i'm spouting ruibbish here. So, please don't read on. I just want to empty out. If not, I won't be able to do my work later. Lacking of sleep makes one lose her composure. You can say that. That's also what i will think of myself today.
Just 12 more days to A level. And I definitely don't want to lose it. I can't. Please.
I don't know it bothers me so much. Stop appearing in my dreams. I wanted to stop asking you Why?' . . coz I don't know that myself.
I want to be stronger. More capable. There are things that i want to protect. Much more than my life. Although i may sound naive, and i might end up being protected, I want to protect you. And i end up hurting you.
take care
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
To :: you
Thanks for having my questions all answered.
Appearing in front of you now and jump to you the moment you open the door for me is something that seems will get me some rough scoldings from you , huh. . .
That is something i would want to do if that would make me slightly better after me hurting you so much. Sorry for not standing in your shoes. But you know , all this while, i always feel that way. You couldn't give me the assurance. I don't know why. But NOT NOW ANYMORE. I dont feel that way anymore after what you've been trying to tell me.Sorry for casting doubts upon you. I'm really sorry. I mean it. I really do. I have hurt you so much when i am trying so hard not to. That's why i thought i don't really deserve your love. And i thought if you were to say those heartbreaking words to me after these three months you requested, i should be gladly accept it. But you didn't. Instead, you made me feel better.
This distance is playing tricks on me. I'm sure of it. Just how much i wanted to rush to you and crush you in my arm . Thanks for loving me.
Wait for me kay. I will be by your side soon.Just don't push me away or say something like troubling me anymore. Let's both be selfish kay for i also scared that i will give you trouble when i go find you. But that can't be helped right?
See you soon kay. And do find me if you want to order. I won't be free soon.
............................................................................
Ah. . . . weather's nice. .33 more days to go . . let's Bring it up. Get it down . And shut it up ^^
Stupid A levels. . . . I received a big hug from my friends today . Don't know whether you guys reliase it, i don't like to be hugged by just anyone even my parents. An exception for you ^^ Not you guys' fault but my family upbringing makes me feel this way. Weird. LOL. But this isn't the same though. We won't be seeing each other till A levels. Thanks guys for being there for me . I will not forget you.I promise ^^ Friends forever ~
that's all, i guess. .. if there is anything interesting for me to share, or else i guess the next blog entry will be the day before my A level or after =D
Take care everyone. All the best. Gambatte ne !!! All the way to go, Sw ~
Thanks for not making me feel that way anymore. I have always hate myself feeling so.
Appearing in front of you now and jump to you the moment you open the door for me is something that seems will get me some rough scoldings from you , huh. . .
That is something i would want to do if that would make me slightly better after me hurting you so much. Sorry for not standing in your shoes. But you know , all this while, i always feel that way. You couldn't give me the assurance. I don't know why. But NOT NOW ANYMORE. I dont feel that way anymore after what you've been trying to tell me.Sorry for casting doubts upon you. I'm really sorry. I mean it. I really do. I have hurt you so much when i am trying so hard not to. That's why i thought i don't really deserve your love. And i thought if you were to say those heartbreaking words to me after these three months you requested, i should be gladly accept it. But you didn't. Instead, you made me feel better.
This distance is playing tricks on me. I'm sure of it. Just how much i wanted to rush to you and crush you in my arm . Thanks for loving me.
Wait for me kay. I will be by your side soon.Just don't push me away or say something like troubling me anymore. Let's both be selfish kay for i also scared that i will give you trouble when i go find you. But that can't be helped right?
See you soon kay. And do find me if you want to order. I won't be free soon.
............................................................................
Ah. . . . weather's nice. .33 more days to go . . let's Bring it up. Get it down . And shut it up ^^
Stupid A levels. . . . I received a big hug from my friends today . Don't know whether you guys reliase it, i don't like to be hugged by just anyone even my parents. An exception for you ^^ Not you guys' fault but my family upbringing makes me feel this way. Weird. LOL. But this isn't the same though. We won't be seeing each other till A levels. Thanks guys for being there for me . I will not forget you.I promise ^^ Friends forever ~
that's all, i guess. .. if there is anything interesting for me to share, or else i guess the next blog entry will be the day before my A level or after =D
Take care everyone. All the best. Gambatte ne !!! All the way to go, Sw ~
Thanks for not making me feel that way anymore. I have always hate myself feeling so.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
I'm back
Hmm. . just felt like posting up the song's lyrics in the previous post ^^ the song's nice ^^
I let dark side out and force it back in just yeasterday XD No it's just that it's been some time before i felt that way. And i called it " the dark side" of me coz it is not positive at all. LOL Somehow different. I don't know how to explain. It can't be explain with words ^^
I didn't go to school today ^^ My sister went without me. She's going to some of her malay friend's house for "makan". Hope she enjoys it. A levels is getting nearer. Days just pass too fast. Tomorrow is just another day nearer to A levels. Just one more week of school and i've stopped all my tuitions just yesterday to have more time to prepare myself. I hope it's enough ^^ All the way to go, Sw ! LOL Same for everyone ^^ Days pass fast and another year will be gone. Let's appreciate and make the best memories out of these remaining days ^^ I don't know what will happen to me next year. However, i do hope for the better or much less of it. Not much worse please.
I'm not sure whether I'm stressed or what. But i started to have gastric pains recently. But i ate =.= Not very serious but to endure the pain from morning till evening kinda make me suffer abit. It delays my work. ^^ Be good to me, tummy. No more pain ok ^^
Sorry, Ann yen. I wished her happy birthday one month earlier =.=" I thought it's alredy 30th October. I only realised it when she : " shanwen, are you dreaming? It's next month. " Haha. . I'm the earliest this year to wish her though . LOL
Just happy that I'm back.Gotta start back work ^^ take care everyone . Eat well. Sleep well.Look forward ^^
I'm scared
I let dark side out and force it back in just yeasterday XD No it's just that it's been some time before i felt that way. And i called it " the dark side" of me coz it is not positive at all. LOL Somehow different. I don't know how to explain. It can't be explain with words ^^
I didn't go to school today ^^ My sister went without me. She's going to some of her malay friend's house for "makan". Hope she enjoys it. A levels is getting nearer. Days just pass too fast. Tomorrow is just another day nearer to A levels. Just one more week of school and i've stopped all my tuitions just yesterday to have more time to prepare myself. I hope it's enough ^^ All the way to go, Sw ! LOL Same for everyone ^^ Days pass fast and another year will be gone. Let's appreciate and make the best memories out of these remaining days ^^ I don't know what will happen to me next year. However, i do hope for the better or much less of it. Not much worse please.
I'm not sure whether I'm stressed or what. But i started to have gastric pains recently. But i ate =.= Not very serious but to endure the pain from morning till evening kinda make me suffer abit. It delays my work. ^^ Be good to me, tummy. No more pain ok ^^
Sorry, Ann yen. I wished her happy birthday one month earlier =.=" I thought it's alredy 30th October. I only realised it when she : " shanwen, are you dreaming? It's next month. " Haha. . I'm the earliest this year to wish her though . LOL
Just happy that I'm back.Gotta start back work ^^ take care everyone . Eat well. Sleep well.Look forward ^^
I'm scared
Monday, September 28, 2009
I will b waiting for you
I 've never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
and I'm wishing you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go?
You could have let me know
so now I'm all alone
Girl you could have stayed but you wouldn't give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more than I can stand
And all my tears they keep runnin' down my face
Why did you turn away?
So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I'll wait for you
Been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You gotta be feeling crazy
How can you walk away(When)
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is and it just ain't like that
No Why can't you look at me?
You're still in love with me
Don't leave me crying
Baby why can't we just start all over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance
I can love you right
But you're telling me it won't be enough
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I'll wait for you
So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you're keeping inside
That is not how you want it to be
Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it's the last thing I do
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it's just ain't true
eI really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I'll wait for you
I'll be waiting...
Now I'm missing you
and I'm wishing you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go?
You could have let me know
so now I'm all alone
Girl you could have stayed but you wouldn't give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more than I can stand
And all my tears they keep runnin' down my face
Why did you turn away?
So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I'll wait for you
Been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You gotta be feeling crazy
How can you walk away(When)
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is and it just ain't like that
No Why can't you look at me?
You're still in love with me
Don't leave me crying
Baby why can't we just start all over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance
I can love you right
But you're telling me it won't be enough
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I'll wait for you
So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you're keeping inside
That is not how you want it to be
Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it's the last thing I do
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it's just ain't true
eI really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I'll wait for you
I'll be waiting...
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow.
Things slightly better i guess. . . I got back into my momentum recently and I'm glad about that. I passed my General Paper ^^ That's something like "Pengajian Am" in Malaysia and if you fail that paper, you have to retain one more year and retake A level next year. That is really the worst exspecially if you did very well for other subjects for A level.
The weather is very soothing today, making one very comfortable for the whole day ^^ It rained the whole morning and the breeze was cool. I wonder if it's the same in Malaysia.
Well, it's gonna be time soon that i will have to close my connections with the world. LOL A level is just in 6 weeks time and Dammit i'm here blogging XD . Just wanted to share some happy things after my previous emo post ^^
I was kinda shock yesterday. Oh well, i didn't scream out ^^ I just stared at the post very long . Huiwen saw it and put one hand onto her mouth and got up from her seat. Haha. . It was nothing actually. but somehow, I felt happy. It has been long since i felt this way. ^^ I'm really very happy.
( some kind of quiz in facebook )
" Sw :: What about your results? "
" KM :: It's the same ^^ "
Somehow, she asked me in a direct and also indirect way . Of course ,she doesn't have to spill out everything for me to understand. I will take that as a promise between you and me ~ a promise for our future. Thank you very much. Really thank you very much. i wonder how she felt after saying all those to me. Embarassed , i guess. I would if i were the one to ask XD. I wonder if she regretted it. You don't have to really carry it out, you know. Just don't want to add this to your problems. I'm just happy that you have the intention. That's already very enough for me. Another thing is it has made me feel that i have a stronger foundation in my life ~ A stronger reason for me to do better in A levels although i don't know why. ^^
I really miss her very much and this damn weather makes it much worse especially when i am alone walking in the streets. Just wanted to let her know how how much i really did. Haha. .
I'm doing all the practices for all the subjects that i need. Everyday, chemistry, geography, maths and physics have all become my daily meals. LOL. Just hope all these really digest in. Ittadakimasu ~ LOL . . I'll stop all my tuitions at the end of this month.I'll keep working hard till A levels. I'll aim for all Bs although that's a bit too high for me to aim. But if you don't dream big, might as well don't dream at all ^^ So, let's be a little naive .
Huiwen fell sick today. . Haiz. . It's has been a long time since she fell ill. LOL . It is really stupid to fall sick now. You can't afford it. But I just can't make her to eat medicine =.= Haiz. . .
Ah. . . I really looking forward in seeing you soon. . but before that, let's work hard. Really hard.
I am not tired. I am not sleepy at all.
The weather is very soothing today, making one very comfortable for the whole day ^^ It rained the whole morning and the breeze was cool. I wonder if it's the same in Malaysia.
Well, it's gonna be time soon that i will have to close my connections with the world. LOL A level is just in 6 weeks time and Dammit i'm here blogging XD . Just wanted to share some happy things after my previous emo post ^^
I was kinda shock yesterday. Oh well, i didn't scream out ^^ I just stared at the post very long . Huiwen saw it and put one hand onto her mouth and got up from her seat. Haha. . It was nothing actually. but somehow, I felt happy. It has been long since i felt this way. ^^ I'm really very happy.
( some kind of quiz in facebook )
" Sw :: What about your results? "
" KM :: It's the same ^^ "
Somehow, she asked me in a direct and also indirect way . Of course ,she doesn't have to spill out everything for me to understand. I will take that as a promise between you and me ~ a promise for our future. Thank you very much. Really thank you very much. i wonder how she felt after saying all those to me. Embarassed , i guess. I would if i were the one to ask XD. I wonder if she regretted it. You don't have to really carry it out, you know. Just don't want to add this to your problems. I'm just happy that you have the intention. That's already very enough for me. Another thing is it has made me feel that i have a stronger foundation in my life ~ A stronger reason for me to do better in A levels although i don't know why. ^^
I really miss her very much and this damn weather makes it much worse especially when i am alone walking in the streets. Just wanted to let her know how how much i really did. Haha. .
I'm doing all the practices for all the subjects that i need. Everyday, chemistry, geography, maths and physics have all become my daily meals. LOL. Just hope all these really digest in. Ittadakimasu ~ LOL . . I'll stop all my tuitions at the end of this month.I'll keep working hard till A levels. I'll aim for all Bs although that's a bit too high for me to aim. But if you don't dream big, might as well don't dream at all ^^ So, let's be a little naive .
Huiwen fell sick today. . Haiz. . It's has been a long time since she fell ill. LOL . It is really stupid to fall sick now. You can't afford it. But I just can't make her to eat medicine =.= Haiz. . .
Ah. . . I really looking forward in seeing you soon. . but before that, let's work hard. Really hard.
I am not tired. I am not sleepy at all.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Heavy. . .
Well... These few days i really had a wonderful and relaxing time at home. My study pace was slow and i guessed i have rested enough to cover up for what i have lost during my prelims. It has been a long time since i slept for more than 6 hours.That's really nice ^^
However, reality sure is harsh. . . harsh enough to crush my hopes to score better for A levels. Yes, I got back my papers today. I know it'll be saddening but i really put in alot of effort this time. And the questions weren't that hard. I just don't know what to do anymore. And yea. . When you don't know what you're doing, just do it blindly. And i'll blindly continue to work hard. I don't even know what is the purpose of it. Yea. . I also don't know what i'm doing with my life. Just live blindly and that'll be enough, i guess. One thing that has comforted me the most is there's someone who has given me her word in helping me to make choices in future. I don't like to make choices, you see. It's because i don't have any preference in life. That's either a good or bad thing in life. Good is that i'll live a happy life. Bad is people will take advantage of it. Haha. . I don't really care though. But keep your word ok. I do really hope that you're serious about me depending on you to help me make choices in future. I won't regret it and i won't blame you whatever it is. I promised.
I am shocked to be receiving birthday presents today since it's already mid- September. Haha. . I got a cool black pencil case and a booklet from Huiwen's friend. And to my suprise, the librarian aunty got us chocolates and keychains . Thanks really, everyone. I really don't think that i deserve all these. But it does help me to lighten my heavy feeling today ^^
Sorry for this emo post ok. My results are just too sucks. LOL
Take care everyone ^^
Gambatte SW =.=
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Look forward. . .
It's good to have something to look forward huh. . .^^At least, your life would be made much easier thinking about the good things in future. I'm looking forward for what's dinner tonite XD
Finally, prelims over. . .I'm really glad and this time i think i really did put much effort in it. Now what awaits me is the results that i would be receiving next week when school reopens. I didn't put much hope though. I know the results will remain the same. Haha.. Just give a pass for every subject ok. And i'll be very grateful. Just don't let me feel that all my efforts are wasted.
I'll continue to work hard though ^^ I'm looking forward when A level ends. . when i finally can say out the word "tired". . "sien". . .out loud everyday. I shall lead a meaningless life for a while then. LOL
Let's work hard everyone. Look forward to good things that will happen soon.
Not much to write . . Huiwen got a big doggie plush toy form her classmates. She looked happy though showing me her doggie although she keep complaining that she doen't like it. It is about the size of my nephew? Or something like that. Haha. . not as good to hug as Ah bao though. Alas, no one will snatch ah bao from me in my middle of sleeeping. Ha !
I miss home very much. . i know it's contradicting for me to say this because at the same time, i'm scared of going back. . Things would not go the way you wanted it you see. Not always. But it's enough to make your life miserable. I wanted to go back to attend my grandma's birthday dinner. I've skipped her birthday dinner last year due to the Promotional Exams and i don't want to skip it this year. Since i can afford to go back, why can't I ? But my brother. . . .Okay i understand that it's good to go back once i have settled everything. Birthday is just a celebration huh. . Plus,the bus fare has gone much expensive than before T_T I might as well go back after my A levels. Haiz. . . .Sorry ah po. . I'll be back soon.
To those who are working hard. Pace yourselves ok. Look forward ^^
I'm coming soon. Wait
Finally, prelims over. . .I'm really glad and this time i think i really did put much effort in it. Now what awaits me is the results that i would be receiving next week when school reopens. I didn't put much hope though. I know the results will remain the same. Haha.. Just give a pass for every subject ok. And i'll be very grateful. Just don't let me feel that all my efforts are wasted.
I'll continue to work hard though ^^ I'm looking forward when A level ends. . when i finally can say out the word "tired". . "sien". . .out loud everyday. I shall lead a meaningless life for a while then. LOL
Let's work hard everyone. Look forward to good things that will happen soon.
Not much to write . . Huiwen got a big doggie plush toy form her classmates. She looked happy though showing me her doggie although she keep complaining that she doen't like it. It is about the size of my nephew? Or something like that. Haha. . not as good to hug as Ah bao though. Alas, no one will snatch ah bao from me in my middle of sleeeping. Ha !
I miss home very much. . i know it's contradicting for me to say this because at the same time, i'm scared of going back. . Things would not go the way you wanted it you see. Not always. But it's enough to make your life miserable. I wanted to go back to attend my grandma's birthday dinner. I've skipped her birthday dinner last year due to the Promotional Exams and i don't want to skip it this year. Since i can afford to go back, why can't I ? But my brother. . . .Okay i understand that it's good to go back once i have settled everything. Birthday is just a celebration huh. . Plus,the bus fare has gone much expensive than before T_T I might as well go back after my A levels. Haiz. . . .Sorry ah po. . I'll be back soon.
To those who are working hard. Pace yourselves ok. Look forward ^^
I'm coming soon. Wait
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